He's back! The Brundell maniac!
Time to take out my trusty comb and see what's been making the news. First of all, reports on some new squads from Some Publication and an unnamed source in Australia...
Some Publication wrote:HRT shoe-in for 2014 F1RMGP season - you heard it here first
written by Not Joe Saward
The F1RMGP entry proposal by Hispania has gained some serious momentum today as Colin Kolles today confirmed that work on their 2014 challenger was 'well underway'. When questioned as to whether this was a little hasty on his part, Kolles answered, "Well, Fondmetal Team Malaysia opted to use their old T127 for last year, which everyone then copied. I see no reason why we can't use an old Hispania. All the other entries have to worry about getting a hold of cars, which is a problem we won't have."
Kolles went on to confirm that the team will be using a SEAT engine, though he refused to comment on the engine other than saying it would be 'quite quick'. The leading theory at the moment is that the engine will feature two heavily tuned SEAT Ibiza engines nailed to turbos found outside the Mecachrome factory, then stuck together to create a twin-turbo V8. Or something like that.
As for drivers, Sakon Yamamoto is strongly linked with the lead drive, Kolles having made rather strong hints that he had signed the former Dome hopeful. Adrian Campos is also strongly linked with the drive, having set up the team's original incarnation as Campos Meta. Unconfirmed reports also state that HRT have 'definitely signed Vitantonio Liuzzi to a multi-year contract', although given the puzzled face Colin Kolles made when confronted with this information, it's probably my rather unhinged partial-namesake making rubbish up. Again.
New Australian team
It has been announced that a new Australian team plans to enter F1RMGP(pending approval). The team, set up is response to the merger of Prost and DAMS to create a french national team, is believed to be called Team Australia and have already singed Fosters and Quantas to long term sponsorship deals. They appear to be in negotiations with a number of Australian drivers, including Gary Brabham who is seeking to bounce back after a disappointing season at LIfe.
Interesting. With two slots still to be filled on the 2014 grid, and yet more nominations as to who it's going to be, obviously some will have to miss out. And let us not forget, the 38 cars which will make the grid will be whittled down to 26 every race... some of these smaller bids from teams which wouldn't have a hope of getting on a GP2 grid are in the realms of pure fantasy, especially if they end up like Life did last year, or Stefan the year before.
Hispania Racing are quite a credible potential entry, though knowing what I do and what I'm about to reveal, the choice of a SEAT engine might not be quite as good an idea as it seems. Adrián Campos would most likely be running the team rather than driving for it, though if they get desperate (Sakon Yamamoto is being linked to just about every available drive out there at the moment, for instance) I suppose he could do what Pedro Diniz did at Forti. As for Liuzzi, I'm surprised Not Joe Saward's unhinged namesake hasn't tried to announce that he's signed for Viking or F1RM. Let us not forget either that multi-year contracts are prohibited in F1RMGP rules, so Joe, if that's your intention... checkmate!
Some Publication wrote:Shock expose on Autosport!
written by Sensationalist B. Journalist Jr.
As long-time followers of the F1RMGP series will no doubt have noticed by now, the reporting from Autosport has gotten rather... shall we say. unlike a publication of their calibre. Frequently getting things wrong and their rock-solid defense of Aguri Suzuki when all evidence points to the man being nearly as loony as Gunther Schmidt (although, admittedly, that would be Aggers on a pretty bad day and Schmidt on his very best behaviour)
And that's why he was brought back! Sir Bernard made a masterstroke.
Sensationalist B. Journalist (continued) wrote:
Using my immense charisma and investigative experience, I went to the Autosport head offices posing as a prospective journalist, where I was taken on a tour of the building, although frustratingly I was refused access to what was quite clearly the writing floor. With my intrigue sparked by this curious refusal, I noted the room's location and later returned once I had slipped away under the pretense of a bathroom break. What I found could only be expressed in pictorial form.[i]WHAT!? WHAT IS THIS? WHY IS THERE A MONKEY WRITING FOR AUTOSPORT? WHY!? WHAT COULD THIS POSSIBLY ACCOMPLISH!?
...but there isn't a monkey. There is, however, a chimpanzee. With all this talk of Autosport losing the plot, you'd think SBJ and the editors of Some Publication might have done their research... are these two motorsport journals two sides of the same coin?
Anyway, time for more news from the Series Management.Sir Bernard's NewsroundDeutschland, Deutschland, über Alles!
Or, at least, that's the intention... from Audi. They were not going to stand by and watch Peugeot drop their LMP diesel engine into an F1RMGP car and see it beat Ze Glorious Vaterland... so they have had to intervene and get their own entry on the grid. Unfortunately, the only German team available to them was the hopeless ATS Rial squad. But then... were they really all that hopeless? Put all those DNQs aside and remember they (quite flukily) scored points in 2013 when other, slightly less slow cars couldn't. And besides, putting the engine from a Volkswagen Golf into the car wasn't a stellar move in the first place. Audi believe the team have potential, have agreed to supply them with a 3.7-litre single-turbo diesel engine from the R18 LMP car... but only if their driver line-up is entirely German. No Swiss or Austrians, that's cheating. So, Günther Schmidt's present to Pierre-Henri Raphanel for scoring those four points that put them ahead of DAMS and Minardi last season was the sack for not being German, and in his place... they managed to prise Joachim Winkelhock away from AGS, in a way that Spyker were also trying to do. They considered Ralf Schumacher for a while, before deciding that he was pretty much useless. As for PHR, he signed for AGS in a straight swap... and who knows, he may be the one smiling the most out of this deal.
With Audi now representing the Volkswagen Group on the F1RMGP grid, that leaves SEAT in a problematic position as regards helping Hispania Racing with their application for the 2014 grid.Malaysia, Malaysia... sinking deeper into the mud
Oh dear. At the back of the grid, it's all gone wrong for Tony Fernandes. As a means of punishment to both him and Dany Bahar for dragging the good name of Lotus through the mud with their endless squabbling during the 2011 F1 season, the two of them have been locked in a cage together and will be forced to enter the 2014 F1RMGP season as a joint operation. Genii Team Malaysia, as the team will now be called, has already been deserted by Alex Yoong, who's run off back to his old stamping ground at Minardi – and only Ricardo Teixeira, out of a drive with the exit of Lola, was interested in bringing a bucketload of cash from Sonangol to the team, and they'll need every penny they can lay their hands on. Meanwhile, at Minardi, Pierluigi Martini has retired from the series, opening the door for Yoong to return. Whether it's a step up from GTM, it remains to be seen.Simtek sort themselves out
Nick Wirth's Simtek squad, down in the dumps for the last two seasons, have promised to straighten themselves out in 2014. Only thing is, they still won't say who their new sponsor is, just that the vast majority of those from the previous season are still on board, as are Isuzu. In place of the sacked Taki Inoue comes GP2 reject, Marko Asmer, a F1RMGP debutant who had been linked with a drive at Super Aguri... then again, so had everyone else, including the current series champion. Paul Belmondo is retained as the team's lead driver, as expected.
So what will become of Hideki Noda...President Obama wanted CHANGE! F1RMGP teams fail to comply with his request...
Driver line-ups have been confirmed at F1RM, Forti, Scuderia Andrea Coloni, EuroBrun and Stefan - and they're all unchanged from last year. Likewise, Minardi confirm Esteban Tuero is staying, to partner the returning Alex Yoong. All Super Aguri will say is that Yuji Ide will definitely be there for a fourth season... but no word on who his new team-mate will be. Wild speculation may come flooding in from unscrupulous motorsport publications as news filters through from Viking Racing that only Þorvaldur Einarsson has been absolutely confirmed for next year. And what of Toleman? No word from them about either Allan McNish or Ralph Firman, though at least we know the Firman family will be represented in 2014 by Ralph's sister in the WEC...