Microprose Grand Prix - 20 years too late...

[dinizintheoven]

I remember having this game when I was quite a bit younger. Some of you lot do as well. It ran fine on the 486 SX2 I had at the time - all 33 MHz of thromping power - and I raced, usually at Hockenheim, cutting all the chicanes and beating everyone in the field.

With the help of DOSBox and the internet, I've just rediscovered it - and all its many, many configurable bits and pieces. So I thought I'd get to work converting the 1991 team layout into something rather more... rejectful. And here it is. I'm sure you could all come up with your own versions of an F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series... here's mine. I can, of course, include rather more information here than the game will let me.

The F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series, 2011 season: The teams and drivers (part 1)

Team name: F1Rejects.com
Chassis: F1R-11
Engine: Life W12
Drivers: 1. HWNSNBM / 2. Jean-Denis Délétraz
Team Principals: Jamie McGregor, Enoch Law
Major sponsors: F1Rejects.com, Del Monte (papaya division)
It shouldn't work, should it? A team run by a couple of Aussies who make a website about unsuccessful Formula 1 drivers, a chassis of unknown origin that was probably cobbled together from bits and pieces found in a skip outside the Lola and Dallara factories and then copied by a cheeky Chinese designer and built by Geely, a customer version of the most comically awful engine ever to be built... it shouldn't work. But it does, somehow, and nobody has ever worked out how. A driver of mysterious nature who is so secret his name can never be mentioned, but is alleged to be from Hungary, is the secret weapon in the team, with some bloke from Switzerland as his wingman. This is the team to beat for the coming season and it will be difficult.

Team name: Super Aguri
Chassis: SA11
Engine: Honda V8
Drivers: 3. Kazuki Nakajima / 4. Yuji Ide
Team Principal: Aguri Suzuki
Major sponsors: SS United (allegedly), Samantha Kingz (allegedly), East (not West)
Aguri-san announces the revival of the revered Japanese squad which was unfortunately forced to commit seppuku first time round for bringing shame and dishonour upon its parent manufacturer squad. However, honour is restored by Nakajima junior for being (a) a proper reject driver and (b) continuing with the number his father raced with 20 years before. Ide is drafted in after a couple of spectacularly mediocre seasons in Formula Nippon and for losing his Superlicence in the first place. Extra sponsorship, should the main sponsors default on their payments (which they will), comes in the form of that mysterious company that isn't a tobacco brand – oh no – which saw Aguri Suzuki through his least successful period in F1 with Zakspeed.

Team name: US Grand Prix Engineering
Chassis: USA=#1
Engine: Dodge V8
Drivers: 5. Michael Andretti / 6. Scott Speed
Team Principal: God
Vice Principals: Ken Anderson, Bill Gates, Colonel Sanders, Uncle Sam, the Pillsbury doughboy
Major sponsors: Kentucky Fried Chicken, Microsoft, Smith & Wesson
A statement from one of the team vice-principles:
Yeeee-haaaw! US Grand Prix Engineering (what'n the hell's engineering? Don't need any o' that on my truck...) lives, y'all, with an all-American chassis an all-American engine and some all-American drivers. Them dang Red Bulls and their pull-rods... no, sir, we got ourselves good ole' leaf springs from a 2010 Mustang. We called Dodge to build us the rip-snortin'est V8 in the whole world with a massive 250 hp, and hired our champion drivers... and this guy with SPEED in his name gonna kick all yo' asses!
A statement from Ronald McDonald:
I would like to express my disappointment in US Grand Prix Engineering for turning down my offer of sponsorship – it seems the most recognisably American company in the known world is unwanted after being associated with "some French dude with pink glasses who cries a lot".
A statement from Timo Glock:
I was offered a drive in the F1Rejects.com Microprose Grand Prix Series with the US Grand Prix team, apparently because they think I make guns. I took one look at the car and decided I am better off staying in Formula 1 with Virgin Racing. We could be five seconds a lap slower than Hispania and I would still not make this move...

Team name: Monteverdi
Chassis: ORE-3
Engine: Monteverdi V8 (that's right, it's a home-brew engine)
Drivers: 7. Gregor Foitek / 8. Pierre-Henri Raphanel
Team Principals: Bertrand Gachot, a picture of Peter Monteverdi
Major sponsors: Moneytron, Hype, anything else Bertand Gachot's business ventures bring to the table
All that remains of the once-promising Onyx team is the chassis designation, the ORE-2 or whatever it would have been called languishing in the Monteverdi museum. The original plan to use a Chrysler V8 was hastily dumped in favour of an in-house effort after seeing the US Grand Prix debacle (see above). With Gachot moved into the head honcho's office (and deciding that he will be a Swiss national this week) due to the minor inconvenience of Peter Monteverdi being dead, old Onyx favourite Gregor Foitek is paired with Pierre-Henri Raphanel, for whom failing to make the grid with any regularity while at Coloni and Rial was no barrier to a career test-driving the Bugatti Veyron... but he's back!

Team name: EuroBrun
Chassis: ER211
Engine: Judd V8
Drivers: 9. Enrico Bertaggia / 10. Claudio Langes
Team Principal: Walter Brun
Major sponsors: Jägermeister
One man holds the record for most failures to pre-qualify without ever making it to the Friday afternoon session – Claudio Langes. In a 1990 EuroBrun. One team out of 20 failed to get on the grid at all in 1989 – EuroBrun. Although, with Gregor Foitek driving for Monteverdi, his seat has been filled by the equally hapless Enrico Bertaggia, who also never made the grid at all. Sponsorship comes from Jägermeister – allegedly used to fuel the cars as well as for the team to send themselves into alcoholic oblivion in attempt to forget another failed pre-qualifying session.

Team name: Forti
Chassis: FG04
Engine: Ford do Brasil straight-4
Drivers: 11. Luca Badoer / 12. Emanuele Naspetti
Team Principals: Guido Forti, Pedro Diniz
Major sponsors: Ford do Brasil, Embratel, Brastemp, Petrobras, Copersucar
Strangely decked in the white-and-a-bit-of-green of the 1991 Lotus rather than the yellow we're used to, Forti have taken their overt Brazilian-ness to new levels with Brazilian sponsorship and an engine specially made by Ford's Brazilian branch, allegedly used in a Ranger pickup and which is tuned to run on any ethanol-petrol mix that is available. As for the drivers, Luca Badoer was an obvious choice, but with all Forti's other F1 drivers employed elsewhere, an anonymous note was dropped into their HQ from a journalist at Motoring News in the early 1990s, who remembered Forti's success in F3000 at the hands of Emanulele Naspetti, which led to the headlines "Forti two", "Forti three" and "Forti four" as successive wins were racked up... now the almost-forgotten Italian has a drive once more with his old team.

Team name: Osella
Chassis: FA1L mk.II
Engine: Alfa Romeo flat-12
Drivers: 14. Piercarlo Ghinzani
Team Principal: Enzo Osella
Major sponsors: Fondmetal, and... that's it, really
The ingredients are all there. One of F1's most legendary unsuccessful long-termers – check. An engine supplier they were saddled with because nobody else would touch them with a barge pole (despite the history and heritage which was all coming undone quite spectacularly) – check. That engine in its heaviest and bulkiest configuration – check. The driver inextricably linked with the team because he signed up for them three times – check. And the chassis designation that as near as makes no difference spells "fail" when even one of the team members with even the most basic grip of English should have seen that coming a mile away – check. Sit back and enjoy the ride.

Team name: Pacific
Chassis: PR03
Engine: Ford Cosworth V8
Drivers: 15. Andrea Montermini / 16. Paul Belmondo
Team Principal: Keith Wiggins
Major sponsors: Group Lotus – no, really!
Filling the slot once occupied by the turquoise March a.k.a. Leyton House when they were on an inexorable slide downwards is Pacific – with Paul Belmondo as the link between the two, having driven for both teams to a string of DNQs punctuated by an occasional rare appearance in a race. He is joined by Andrea Montermini, who amazingly managed to keep the seat at Pacific all through 1995 when the other car was a merry-go-round involving some of F1's least distinguished names, all of whom are represented on this grid... somewhere. Montermini was said to have jumped at the chance to rejoin his old team rather than drive the Pagani Zonda R as much as he likes. One person who is not so happy, though, is Colin Chapman, who is spinning in his grave at the thought of actual Lotus sponsorship all over the Pacific, far more involved than the marginal link-up from 1995. It is said that even Dany Bahar and Tony Fernandes have buried the hatched and united in their condemnation of seeing Lotus used this way...

Team name: AGS
Chassis: JH28
Engine: Ford Cosworth V8
Drivers: 17. François Hesnault / 18. Fabrizio Barbazza
Team Principal: Henri Julien
Major sponsors: Ted Lapidus, Charro, some French haulage company I've never heard of
Finally, a team in exactly the same position as they were in 1991, and with one of their drivers from that year as well – Fabrizio Barbazza and his Fab Hair just couldn't be turned down. With the unknown French hauliers demanding a French driver in the other car and with the other obvious candidates all employed elsewhere, AGS turned to François Hesnault, who takes a break from running his crane business to return to driving F1 cars to no effect whatsoever. Rumours that his performance will be enhanced by mounting a camera the size of a breeze block on the side of the JH28 are still unfounded.

[dinizintheoven]

The initial post was so long I had to split it into two halves...

The F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series, 2011 season: The teams and drivers (part 2)

Team name: Toleman
Chassis: TG211
Engine: Hart straight-4 turbo
Drivers: 19. Ralf Schumacher / 20. Nelson Piquet Jr.
Team Principals: Ted Toleman & Flavio Briatore
Major sponsors: Candy, Ladbrokes
Not the Toleman that Teo Fabi put on pole position in 1985, or with which Ayrton Senna gave Alain Prost the fright of his life at Monaco the year before (and not for the last time), this operation is more akin to the 1981 team that only made the grid twice in 24 attempts. And, as befitting a team that actually had some success but might have had a lot more, neither driver is a reject – just a couple of notorious examples of drivers who could have done so much better than they did. And so, Ralf Schumacher finds himself with a perfect place to collect a load of cash for driving around in midfield anonymity after giving up on trying to even partially replicate his famous brother who once occupied the no. 19 Benetton in 1991, while Nelson Piquet Jr. also fails to live up to the legacy of his father, who drove the no. 20 Benetton the same year. Do you see what I did there? Also, word is that Ladbrokes are sponsoring the team in case Piquet wants to have any crashes that are not in any way pre-orchestrated and which people – OK, just Flav – might want to have a bet on. Should this crash that we are assured isn't going to happen does happen, Bruno Senna is being lined up as a replacement.

Team name: Life
Chassis: L211
Engine: Life W12
Drivers: 21. Gary Brabham / 22. Bruno Giacomelli
Team Principal: Ernesto Vita
Major sponsors: An assortment of unknown Italian companies, mostly involving takeaway pizzas, and some bloke selling tourist tat in San Marino
Oh dear. The worst team ever to compete in F1, despite what Hispania Racing's naysayers who don't know their history might say, with the worst engine ever, and which (unlike the championship-leading F1Rejects.com team) doesn't work in any way. And here are Gary Brabham and Bruno Giacomelli, both reunited with the team that caused them so much strife... and both will drive if more than one example of the L211 is ever built.

Team name: Minardi
Chassis: PS06
Engine: Motori Moderni V6 turbo
Drivers: 23. Pierluigi Martini / 24. Johnny Carwash
Team Principals: Paul Stoddart & Giancarlo Minardi
Major sponsors: Simod, European Aviation, Superfund, the makers of Johnny Carwash's wallet
Fair dinkum, mate, it's all the best bits – if those are the right words – of Minardi's 21-year history all put together. On one hand, we've got the driver who isn't a reject but is as associated with Minardi as Piercarlo Ghinzani is with Osella that he couldn't be left out... while some Italian count who officially changed his name by deed poll to Johnny Carwash is left to supply the team with money. Then there's that engine that everyone associates with the early days coupled with the team boss of the later years, who can be trusted to shoot his mouth off and offer a piece of outback justice to anyone else in the paddock who might get in his way and that of his team. Bonza!

Nom d'équipe: Prost
Chassis: AP06
Moteur: Peugeot V10
Pilotes: 25. Olivier Grouillard / 26. Philippe Alliot
Principal d'équipe: Alain Prost
Patronage majeur: Gitanes, Gauloises, Loto, Vin Rouge de Languedoc-Rousillon, Piano Avion Malheureusement
(Quoi? Nous devons écrire la description de notre équipe en anglais? Quel affront! Bah... où est la dictionnaire... qu'est-ce qu'on dit ici... bouchons de bain!)
We 'ave made alive once again the team of our great Champion du Monde, Alain Prost! It is the most French team with all French sponsors, the French engine from Peugeot which is better than the Germans and the Eenglish, and we 'ave picked the great French drivers from the days of Monsieur Guy Ligier – Olivier Grouillard et Philippe Alliot who are both, 'ow you say en anglais, les chicanes marchants? We will never surrender! Vive la revolution, vive la France, allez les Bleus!

Team name: Ferrari
Chassis: 312T6
Engine: Ferrari V12
Drivers: 27. Gilles Villeneuve / 28. James Hunt
Team Principal: Enzo Ferrari
Major sponsors: Marlboro, Moët & Chandon, Durex
In the sensational coup of the century, the F1Rejects.com Microprose Grand Prix Series has managed to coax two legendary drivers and one equally legendary team manager back from enforced retirement in Motor Racing Valhalla to represent Ferrari in this series. It was felt that this was the only way to challenge the established in-house F1Rejects.com team from their position at the top of the tree, and all parties were happy to accept. With an engine that is twice as powerful as pretty much everything else in the field with the exception of the "tweaked" Life W12 in the F1Rejects.com F1R-11, Villeneuve should be able to challenge for the championship that should have been his but eluded him while he was alive... sorry... "before his retirement". There was only one driver in the same situation who could possibly be teamed with the Canadian, and Moët & Chandon and Durex have had to be brought on board as official sponsors to keep up with the workload that James Hunt is going to give them in the after-race party.

Team name: Lola
Chassis: T11/30
Engine: Ford Cosworth V8
Drivers: 29. Vincenzo Sospiri / 30. Ricardo Rosset
Team Principal: Eric Broadley
Major sponsors: Mastercard, and... actually, that's it... might try and get a cut of The Kinks' royalties?
If at first you don't succeed, cheat... wait a minute, no, Flav's signed for Toleman instead. Back to the old mantra of "try and try again", then, is it? And, with the overthrow of Gérard Larrousse from the rather tongue-twisting Larrousse-Lola-Lamborghini team and the use of a different engine, it can just be called Lola, and leave it at that... while we're at it, why not give another shot to those two drivers who never got a decent chance in 1997, even though one of them proved afterwards (and before, as well) that he's a bona fide reject? Good plan. It can't fail. Well, maybe not as much as the T97/30 did, anyway...

Team name: Coloni
Chassis: C5
Engine: Subaru flat-12
Drivers: 31. Pedro Chaves
Team Principal: Enzo Coloni
Major sponsors: Halfords, and other places you can get some well wicked bodykits for your chavved-up Impreza. Innit!
Seriously... why change anything, other than to have that leaden flat-12 lump under the engine cover instead of the obvious Cosworth V8? Everything else in the 1991 season was perfect!

Team name: Simtek
Chassis: S111
Engine: Ford Cosworth V8
Drivers: 32. Taki Inoue / 33. Slim Borgudd
Team Principal: Nick Wirth
Major sponsors: VH-1, Capital Gold, Smooth Radio, ABBA
It's quite a smart-looking car, the S111 – it has a strange resemblance to the Virgin VR-01, which might not challenge the bigger names who aren't competing in this series but will probably give the rest of this series a bloody nose. I have no idea why it's painted green, though, when it should have been dark blue and black with the blue looking strangely like purple. The only problem is in the Japanese lead driver who has an alarming tendency to get in the way of the safety car, so he'll be hoping it's never used. Veteran Swedish drummer Slim Borgudd was brought on board to entice MTV back to the team, but was told MTV is only showing hip-hop videos now and his performances with ABBA have been shunted off to VH-1. At least some of the 50-plus radio stations have got in on the sponsorship act, though. They'll easily be the most musical team on the grid... I wonder if Taki can play the comb and paper?

Team name: Andrea Moda
Chassis: anything they can get their hands on, really – a Hispania F110, Simtek S951, Forti FG03, Lola T97/30 – even a T93/30 would do – and in the event of failure, they can always bolt wheels onto a bathtub
Engine: Judd V8, if they remember to bring it to the circuit
Drivers: 34. Roberto Moreno / 35. Perry McCarthy
Team Principal: Andrea Sassetti
Major sponsors: ...on this car? Are you serious?
Some say that one of the drivers used to appear on a popular British TV programme.
Some say that the team boss actually knew how to run an F1 team better than Frank Williams, but decided to troll the entire grid instead.
All we know is, they're called Andrea Moda.


I should point out here that the only thing missing from Microprose Grand Prix is the ability to repaint the cars. NASCAR Racing had its own paintkit, and I while away many hours turning the NASCAR competitors of 1990-something into the old Ford Cortinas that would regularly slam hard into each other down at my local banger racing track. And every series of bangers had at least one car with teeth painted around the grille and bumper, which is where I assume Eddie Jordan got the shark design for the EJ11...

And now for the action. The opening round in Phoenix gets underway soon!

[Aerond]

you put HWNSNBM in Senna´s car!!! LOL!!! U cheater!!! Deletraz deserved that one!!

[dinizintheoven]

Careful what you wish for there, Aerond. You never know what might happen in the first race... and here's what did happen.

Round 1: Phoenix, USA

GRID:
1 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1'31.310
2 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 1'32.199
3 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 1'32.328
4 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 1'32.911
5 – 2 J.D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 1'33.801
6 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) – 1'34.854
7 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 1'34.895
8 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 1'35.468
9 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1'36.139
10 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) – 1'36.445
11 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) – 1'36.494
12 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) – 1'36.530
13 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) – 1'36.622
14 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) – 1'37.193
15 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) – 1'37.238
16 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 1'37.193
17 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) – 1'37.421
18 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) – 1'37.635
19 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) – 1'37.938
20 – 17 F. Hesnault (AGS) – 1'38.162
21 – 18 F. Barbazza (AGS) – 1'38.207
22 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) – 1'38.788
23 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) – 1'38.871
24 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) – 1'38.908
25 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) – 1'39.046
26 – 8 P.H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) – 1'39.276

DNQ:
9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun)
10 C. Langes (EuroBrun)
12 E. Naspetti (Forti)
14 P. Ghinzani (Osella)
19 R. Schumacher (Toleman)
31 P. Chaves (Coloni)
34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda)
35 P. McCarthy (Andrea Moda)

No times are given for the DNQs... frustratingly.

As predicted, it's HWNSNBM at the top with the Ferrari legends in hot pursuit. A fine showing from USGP and what's Bruno Giacomelli in the Life doing up there when the other Life (bet you never thought you'd hear that...) is down in 23rd? Super Aguri and Pacific show promise, there's a better showing than I'd thought from Prost, both AGSs make it, Sospiri and Raphanel finally qualify for a race, and it looks like the usual suspects who don't make the cut... but who's that amongst the DNQs... it's an ignominious end to Ralf Schumacher's weekend!


RACE:

I am ignoring the 1991 points system – and with a grid of 26 with 33 entrants, I will use the 2010-11 points system. This is a 2011 season, after all...

1 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 2h 17'14.768
2 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) + 13.993
3 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) + 1'07.510
4 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) + 1'37.782
5 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) + 1 lap
6 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) + 1 lap
7 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) + 1 lap
8 – 2 J.D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) + 1 lap
9 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) + 2 laps
10 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) + 2 laps
11 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) + 2 laps
12 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) + 2 laps
13 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) + 2 laps
14 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) + 3 laps
15 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) + 3 laps
16 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) + 3 laps
17 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) + 3 laps
18 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) + 3 laps
19 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) + 3 laps
20 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) + 3 laps
21 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) + 4 laps
22 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) + 5 laps
23 – 8 P.H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) + 5 laps
24 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) + 5 laps
25 – 18 F. Barbazza (AGS) + 8 laps
26 – 17 F. Hesnault (AGS) + 8 laps

Victory for the Scuderia in the opening round, victory for never-say-die Gilles, and a fine showing from USGP on home turf. Something went horribly wrong for HWNSNBM and I suspect the team owners will have something to say to him – and Délétraz – via the next podcast. The Lifes somehow managed to switch positions, there were points for Toleman, Simtek and Minardi – the Super Aguris faded badly, Sospiri in the Lola rose up the rankings, the Prosts showed their true colours, and a more limp display from the AGSs you will never see again... but at least they qualified, unlike Ralf Schumacher.


DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – G. Villeneuve – 25
2 – M. Andretti – 18
3 – J. Hunt – 15
4 – S. Speed – 12
5 – HWNSNBM – 10
6 – T. Inoue – 8
7 – N. Piquet – 6
8 – J.D. Délétraz – 4
9 – G. Brabham – 2
10 – P. Martini – 1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – Ferrari – 40
2 – USGP – 30
3 – F1 Rejects – 14
4 – Simtek – 8
5 – Toleman – 6
6 – Life – 2
7 – Minardi – 1

UNREJECTIFIED DRIVERS (for this series):
Villeneuve, Andretti, Hunt, Speed

I will enjoy seeing how this season runs...

[Barbazza]

Team name: AGS
Chassis: JH28
Engine: Ford Cosworth V8
Drivers: 17. François Hesnault / 18. Fabrizio Barbazza
Team Principal: Henri Julien
Major sponsors: Ted Lapidus, Charro, some French haulage company I've never heard of
Finally, a team in exactly the same position as they were in 1991, and with one of their drivers from that year as well – Fabrizio Barbazza and his Fab Hair just couldn't be turned down.<snip>

Well, I should bloody well think so!!!

Btw, love your comment re the Hesnault camera car!

[Ferrim]

you put HWNSNBM in Senna´s car!!! LOL!!! U cheater!!! Deletraz deserved that one!!

Prost believes in God, Senna believes he's God, but HWNSNBM is God. So I find it appropiate.

[dinizintheoven]

Round 2: Interlagos, Brazil

GRID:
1 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1'23.862
2 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 1'25.041
3 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 1'25.496
4 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 1'25.550
5 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 1'25.552
6 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 1'25.798
7 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1'26.256
8 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 1'26.381
9 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) – 1'26.723
10 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) – 1'27.081
11 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) – 1'27.293
12 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) – 1'27.424
13 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 1'27.506
14 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) – 1'27.755
15 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 1'28.390
16 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) – 1'28.428
17 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) – 1'28.514
18 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) – 1'28.809
19 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) – 1'28.815
20 – 12 E. Naspetti (Forti) – 1'29.562
21 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) – 1'30.111
22 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) – 1'30.309
23 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) – 1'30.444
24 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) – 1'30.447
25 – 34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda) – 1'30.640
26 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) – 1'31.196

DNQ:
9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun)
10 C. Langes (EuroBrun)
11 L. Badoer (Forti)
14 P. Ghinzani (Osella)
17 F. Hesnault (AGS)
18 F. Barbazza (AGS)
31 P. Chaves (Coloni)
35 P. McCarthy (Andrea Moda)

Glory, glory F1 Rejects and certainly to HWNSNBM who is a second clear at the top. Slim Borgudd surprises everyone, Ferrari and USGP are near the top again, Ralf Schumacher doesn't repeat his embarrassing mistake at Phoenix, Bruno blows Gazza into the weeds again at Life, Naspetti is the one Forti on the grid this time, the Monteverdis move up a bit, and Roberto Moreno sticks an Andrea Moda on the back row! Badoer and the AGSs drop out, and there's still no luck for the EuroBruns, Ghinzani, Chaves or Pel...


RACE:

1 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1h 49'10.823
2 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) + 30.529
3 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) + 47.826
4 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) + 1'15.910
5 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) + 1 lap
6 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) + 1 lap
7 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) + 1 lap
8 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) + 2 laps
9 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) + 2 laps
10 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) + 2 laps
11 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) + 2 laps
12 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) + 2 laps
13 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) + 2 laps
14 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) + 3 laps
15 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) + 3 laps
16 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) + 3 laps
17 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) + 3 laps
18 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) + 3 laps
19 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) + 3 laps
20 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) + 3 laps
21 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) + 4 laps
22 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) + 4 laps
23 – 12 E. Naspetti (Forti) + 4 laps
24 – 34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda) + 5 laps
DNF – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman)
DNF – 30 R. Rosset (Lola)

There's something Michael Andretti never managed to do in F1 – win a race! That puts him level on points at the top of the Drivers' Championship with Gilles Villeneuve, with the Yanks in the lead in the Constructors' Championship due to James Hunt stopping mid-race for a quick pint and a fag (well, maybe). HWNSNBM can't convert pole into a win, Délétraz lets the side down again, both Simteks score, and it's go, Johnny, go, as Signor Carwash scores four points for 8th place, and Yuji Ide gets off the mark as well! At the back, most notably, Emanuele Naspetti finishes his first race of the season, Roberto Moreno brings the Andrea Moda to the chequered flag (albeit five laps down and last), but it's more misery for Ralf Schumacher who is one of only two retirements, and Nelsinho is showing him the way...


DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1= G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 43
1= M. Andretti (USGP) – 43
3 – HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 25
4 – S. Speed (USGP) – 20
5 – N. Piquet (Toleman) – 16
6 – J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 15
7 – T. Inoue (Simtek) – 14
8 – S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 12
9 – J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 6
10 – J. Carwash (Minardi) – 4
11 – G. Brabham (Life) – 2
12= P. Martini (Minardi) – 1
12= Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – USGP – 63
2 – Ferrari – 58
3 – F1 Rejects – 31
4 – Simtek – 26
5 – Toleman – 16
6 – Minardi – 5
7 – Life – 2
8 – Super Aguri – 1

UNREJECTIFIED DRIVERS:
Villeneuve, Andretti, Hunt, Speed (USA); HWNSNBM, Borgudd (Brazil)

[Bananaphone]

This is epic

[Phoenix]

The teams' profiles are just hilarious

[dinizintheoven]

This is epic

It just got a lot more epic. Read on.

The teams' profiles are just hilarious

I have history on this front, actually... I used to post on the finalgear.com forums, before the F1 section descended into a Ferrari/Alonso fanboys versus McLaren/Hamilton fanboys mudslinging match, which I reckon we're unlikely to see here because this forum is so much more about the underdogs. That said, I hope we will never see rabid three-way flame wars between the Camposhispania, Manorvirginmarussia and 1Malaysiafernandesairasialotus factions in years to come.

Before my departure I wrote a preview of the 2009 season - and I'm still surprised there isn't a Chinese team on the F1 grid when China has all the business these days. I had another crack at seeing the future for a series that should be up and running by now... and the only reason it hasn't is because I've had a mild change of plan and replaced the Istanbul round with the old Österreichring, and that means kicking Dietrich Mateschitz off it but only after the bit of the old track that follows the old layout has been rebuilt. I assure you this is me who wrote these. Maybe the English graduates amongst you will analyse the writing styles right down to the last pixel.

And now, back to an alternative alternative reality...

Round 3: Imola, (near) San Marino

GRID:
1 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1'28.139
2 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1'29.160
3 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 1'30.466
4 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) – 1'30.491
5 – 2 J.D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 1'30.541
6 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 1'31.024
7 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) – 1'31.314
8 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 1'31.348
9 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 1'31.396
10 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 1'31.430
11 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 1'31.803
12 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) – 1'31.961
13 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) – 1'32.128
14 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 1'32.905
15 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) – 1'33.220
16 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) – 1'33.226
17 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) – 1'33.950
18 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) – 1'33.999
19 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) – 1'34.089
20 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) – 1'34.158
21 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) – 1'35.020
22 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) – 1'35.097
23 – 9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun) – 1'35.179
24 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) – 1'35.428
25 – 10 C. Langes (EuroBrun) – 1'35.988
26 – 17 F. Hesnault (AGS) – 1'36.119
DNQ:
11 L. Badoer (Forti)
12 E. Naspetti (Forti)
14 P. Ghinzani (Osella)
18 F. Barbazza (AGS)
26 P. Alliot (Prost)
31 P. Chaves (Coloni)
34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda)
35 P. McCarthy (Andrea Moda)

No action at all in the last 18 minutes of the session, which left HWNSNBM on pole, a second ahead of Andretti, a second and a bit ahead of Ralf Schumacher... but what will HWNSNBM do in the race? Villeneuve 8th and Hunt 10th in front of the tifosi, who show their "appreciation" by hurling ciabattas filled with papaya marmalade at the F1 Rejects and USGP garages. Good showing from Simtek and Toleman, OK from Super Aguri and Pacific, Life's early spark of... life is fading, and it's the usual suspects at the back... but it's a first-time ever on this grid for Enrico Bertaggia and Claudio Langes in the two EuroBruns! Philippe Alliot is the DNQ who sticks out like a sore thumb, and it's three DNQs out of three for Ghinzani, Chaves and McCarthy. Maybe we'll see them one day.


RACE:

1 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 1h 44'27.572
2 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) + 23.500
3 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) + 27.744
4 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) + 28.345
5 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) + 1'16.771
6 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) + 1'26.205
7 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) + 1'42.428
8 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) + 1 lap
9 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) + 1 lap
10 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) + 1 lap
11 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) + 2 laps
12 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) + 2 laps
13 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) + 2 laps
14 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) + 2 laps
15 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) + 2 laps
16 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) + 2 laps
17 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) + 2 laps
18 – 8 P.H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) + 2 laps
19 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) + 3 laps
20 – 9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun) + 3 laps
21 – 17 F. Hesnault (AGS) + 3 laps
22 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) + 4 laps
23 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) + 4 laps
24 – 10 C. Langes (EuroBrun) + 5 laps
DNF – 2 J.D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects)
DNF – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman)

What a Souper Trouper! Victory for Slim Borgudd! Victory for Simtek! Victory for Sweden for the first time since the Vikings, and Slim's even brought his drum kit onto the podium. James Hunt celebrates by drinking all the champagne and trying to chat up all the girls applauding him on the way, and is absent from the press conference as a result. The tifosi went bonkers when Hunt passed HWNSNBM for second, but he was too far behind to catch Slim. Papayas are flung around in frustration in the F1 Rejects garage with HWNSNBM throwing away what looked like an easy win in the opening stages, and Délétraz parking his car at the side of the track. Andretti and Speed keep USGP at the head of the Constructors' Championship, and Andretti now leads the Drivers' Championship outright. Piquet scored more points for Toleman but Ralf retires again, Paul Belmondo gets Pacific on the scoresheet, Gilles has an absolute shocker of a race... and in what for them will be a major victory, both EuroBruns finish the race!


DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – M. Andretti (USGP) – 55
2 – G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 45
3 – HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 40
4 – S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 37
5 – J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 33
6 – S. Speed (USGP) – 28
7 – T. Inoue (Simtek) – 24
8 – N. Piquet (Toleman) – 22
9 – J.D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 6
10= J. Carwash (Minardi) – 4
10= P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 4
12= G. Brabham (Life) – 2
12= Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 2
14 – P. Martini (Minardi) – 1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – USGP – 83
2 – Ferrari – 78
3 – Simtek – 61
4 – F1 Rejects – 46
5 – Toleman – 22
6 – Minardi – 5
7 – Pacific – 4
8= Life – 2
8= Super Aguri – 2

UNREJECTIFIED DRIVERS:
Villeneuve, Andretti, Hunt, Speed (USA); HWNSNBM, Borgudd (Brazil); Inoue (San Marino)

[dinizintheoven]

Rumours that Eddie Irvine has just badly parked his yacht across two spaces in the harbour to get a better view of this race are so far unsubstantiated.

Round 4: Monte Carlo, Monaco

GRID:
1 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 1'31.359
2 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 1'32.200
3 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 1'34.000
4 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) – 1'34.212
5 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1'34.348
6 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) – 1'34.423
7 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) – 1'35.422
8 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 1'35.599
9 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 1'35.759
10 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 1'35.965
11 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) – 1'36.144
12 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1'36.227
13 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) – 1'36.233
14 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) – 1'36.683
15 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) – 1'36.972
16 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) – 1'37.021
17 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 1'37.183
18 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) – 1'37.609
19 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 1'37.780
20 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) – 1'37.946
21 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) – 1'37.984
22 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) – 1'37.991
23 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) – 1'38.191
24 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) – 1'38.781
25 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) – 1'38.191
26 – 17 F. Hesnault (AGS) – 1'40.878

DNQ:
9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun)
10 C. Langes (EuroBrun)
12 E. Naspetti (Forti)
14 P. Ghinzani (Osella)
18 F. Barbazza (AGS)
31 P. Chaves (Coloni)
34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda)
35 P. McCarthy (Andrea Moda)

Gilles blasts away the competition in qualifying, and only Scott Speed can live with him, with Slim Borgudd best of the rest, carrying his form from Imola but still 1.9 seconds behind Speed. It's still not going well for the F1 Rejects team, HWNSNBM only qualifying sixth, and what is Délétraz doing in a shocking 19th? Never mind what he's doing, Championship leader Michael Andretti, though, is down in 12th, and can't blame his car's stone-age suspension or pushrod engine for his troubles when his team mate was so fast. Sixth for Martini in the Minardi is superb, 11th for Vincenzo Sospiri in the reticent Lola is equally worth a mention. Inoue also slides down the grid, the two EuroBruns fall off it completely (again), and with Hesnault nine and a half seconds off the pace (and nearly three seconds behind Alliot in 25th), you have to wonder how slow the DNQs were...


RACE:

1 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 2h 13'52.114
2 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) + 13.839
3 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) + 18.590
4 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) + 44.955
5 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) + 1'46.482
6 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) + 1 lap
7 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) + 1 lap
8 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) + 1 lap
9 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) + 1 lap
10 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) + 1 lap
11 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) + 2 laps
12 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) + 2 laps
13 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) + 2 laps
14 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) + 2 laps
15 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) + 2 laps
16 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) + 2 laps
17 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) + 2 laps
18 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) + 2 laps
19 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) + 3 laps
20 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) + 3 laps
21 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) + 3 laps
22 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) + 4 laps
23 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) + 4 laps
24 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) + 4 laps
25 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) + 4 laps
26 – 17 F. Hesnault (AGS) + 4 laps

Scott Speed took Gilles Villeneuve at Ste Devote, the Canuck took the place back on the next lap, and that, as they say, was that... although Gilles did attempt to lose a 50-second lead over the course of the race, having huge trouble lapping Andrea Montermini. Speed and HWNSNBM duelled for second and third before the Hungarian was banzaied by Yuji Ide who put himself and Super Aguri on the podium! HWNSNBM's pace faded, Slim Borgudd steadily slid down the order, being lapped twice by Gilles as he crossed the line to win, Montermini bagged useful points for Pacific, and Ralf Schumacher surrendered a place on the last lap to James Hunt. Andretti climbed through the field but couldn't do enough to defend his championship lead.
No surprises as to who ended up at the back, although the reason that the dreadfully slow Hesnault & co weren't lapped more times is because they all did such a good job at blocking the leaders. And in what must be a first for Monaco, 26 drivers started, 26 drivers finished. And with Les Bleus finishing near the back of the field, 1996 this is not!
Gilles Villeneuve takes the lead in the Drivers' Championship, but USGP are hanging on by their fingernails for the Constructors' title. Yuji Ide unrejectifies himself and goes rocketing up the leaderboard, taking Super Aguri up to sixth. All of Japan simultaneously bows politely to him.

DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 70
2 – M. Andretti (USGP) – 65
3 – HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 52
4 – S. Speed (USGP) – 46
5 – J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 39
6 – S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 37
7= T. Inoue (Simtek) – 24
7= N. Piquet (Toleman) – 24
9 – Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 17
10 – A. Montermini (Pacific) – 8
11 – J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 7
12= J. Carwash (Minardi) – 4
12= P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 4
12= R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 4
15 – G. Brabham (Life) – 2
16 – P. Martini (Minardi) – 1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – USGP – 111
2 – Ferrari – 109
3 – Simtek – 61
4 – F1 Rejects – 59
5 – Toleman – 28
6 – Super Aguri – 17
7 – Pacific – 12
8 – Minardi – 5
9 – Life – 2

UNREJECTIFIED DRIVERS:
Villeneuve, Andretti, Hunt, Speed (USA); HWNSNBM, Borgudd (Brazil); Inoue (San Marino); Ide (Monaco)

[dr-baker]

The Monaco GP took nearly 2 1/4 hours? What happened to the 2 hour race limit? Or was it just a really slow last lap?

[dinizintheoven]

Microprose Grand Prix either doesn't know about the two hour limit, or doesn't care. Can't say Hockenheim will take that long, though.

[tommykl]

bouchons de bain!

I LOL'd at that.

[dinizintheoven]

bouchons de bain!

I LOL'd at that.

Jackpot! I was hoping someone would be paying enough attention to spot the f1rejects.com in-joke hidden in a foreign language in tiny text. And in another in-joke from a different world: congraturation, you sucsess!

[JeremyMcClean]

How in the world did you resurrect Gilles Villeneuve from the dead AND bring James Hunt from retirement?

[dinizintheoven]

How in the world did you resurrect Gilles Villeneuve from the dead AND bring James Hunt from retirement?

Not to mention 113-year-old Enzo Ferrari running the team as well...

It's quite simple... I used the -respawn parameter on the command line, and all three came back to life. It works with others as well: rumours abound that Bertrand Gachot is going to swing the axe on one of the Monteverdi drivers for the F1RMGPS 2012 season, and the replacement will be Johnny Claes.

[tommykl]

and the replacement will be Johnny Claes.

W00T!!!

[dinizintheoven]

Let's talk aboot the next race, eh.

Round 5: Montreal, Canada

GRID:
1 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1'27.584
2 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 1'28.024
3 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 1'28.163
4 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 1'28.164
5 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 1'28.491
6 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1'28.667
7 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 1'29.070
8 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 1'29.338
9 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) – 1'29.930
10 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) – 1'30.423
11 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) – 1'30.562
12 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) – 1'30.825
13 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 1'31.275
14 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) – 1'31.911
15 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) – 1'32.311
16 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) – 1'32.587
17 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) – 1'32.625
18 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) – 1'32.681
19 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) – 1'32.804
20 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) – 1'33.034
21 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 1'33.042
22 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) – 1'33.805
23 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) – 1'34.290
24 – 14 P. Ghinzani (Osella) – 1'34.577
25 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) – 1'34.843
26 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) – 1'34.983

DNQ:
9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun)
10 C. Langes (EuroBrun)
12 E. Naspetti (Forti)
17 F. Hesnault (AGS)
18 F. Barbazza (AGS)
31 P. Chaves (Coloni)
34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda)
35 P. McCarthy (Andrea Moda)

Gilles is heard in the pits muttering something about a bathplug, to the confusion of all except the F1 Rejects team bosses who overhear his conversation. He couldn't put it on pole in his home race, with the two USGP cars and his team mate ahead of him. Délétraz finally comes good and puts his embarrassing qualifying performance in Monaco behind him to outqualify HWNSNBM, whereas Yuji Ide goes the other way after his startling podium in front of Prince Albert and co to drop to 21st on the grid in Canada. It's another commendable performance from Simtek and also from Minardi, Ralf Schumacher looks to have got to grips with his Toleman, and at the back of the grid, Piercarlo Ghinzani in the Osella FA1L mk.II finally FA1Ls to FA1L to qualify for a race (if you catch my drift) at the expense of François Hesnault, who set the slowest time of all, in the 1'38s – eleven seconds off the pace. Beat that, Hispania. Double failure for EuroBrun, AGS and Andrea Moda, with Chaves and McCarthy the only drivers to have racked up a clean sweep of DNQs.


RACE:

1 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1h 46'28.832
2 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) + 42.854
3 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) + 1'32.172
4 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) + 1 lap
5 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) + 2 laps
6 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) + 2 laps
7 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) + 2 laps
8 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) + 3 laps
9 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) + 3 laps
10 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) + 3 laps
11 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) + 3 laps
12 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) + 3 laps
13 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) + 3 laps
14 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) + 4 laps
15 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) + 4 laps
16 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) + 4 laps
17 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) + 5 laps
18 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) + 5 laps
19 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) + 5 laps
20 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) + 5 laps
21 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) + 5 laps
22 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) + 5 laps
23 – 14 P. Ghinzani (Osella) + 5 laps
24 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) + 6 laps
25 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) + 6 laps
NC – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) + 7 laps

Jamie and Enoch have a reason to celebrate at last – a win for HWNSNBM, and Délétraz joining him on the podium, with Michael Andretti sharing the celebration. Mutterings in the Ferrari garage turned to all-out frustration, with Villeneuve a lap down and Hunt two laps down – they won't like that in Maranello, despite the points. Also despite the points, it's a horror show for Scott Speed, three laps down in a car that's almost the class of the field (somehow). Ralf Schumacher continues to find some form, and there are more rewards for Belmondo and Martini. Yuji Ide ran as high as seventh before fading, and there will be some red faces towards the back of the standings with ten cars all finishing five or more laps short on the leader, with an ignominious NC for Luca Badoer in the horribly slow four-pot Forti. Piercarlo Ghinzani will be happy to have brought the Osella to the chequered flag, though.
Controversy rages in the newspapers the next day as the race sponsors express their sharp disappointment at the spraying of carbonated papaya juice on the podium instead of champagne, pointing out that champagne isn't actually banned in Canada and even a couple of bottles of Molson from the local off licence would have done a more spectacular job.

DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – M. Andretti (USGP) – 83
2 – G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 82
3 – HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 77
4 – S. Speed (USGP) – 50
5 – J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 49
6 – S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 37
7 – T. Inoue (Simtek) – 32
8 – N. Piquet (Toleman) – 24
9 – J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 22
10 – Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 17
11 – R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 10
12 – A. Montermini (Pacific) – 8
13 – P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 6
14 – J. Carwash (Minardi) – 4
15= G. Brabham (Life) – 2
15= P. Martini (Minardi) – 2

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – USGP – 133
2 – Ferrari – 131
3 – F1 Rejects – 99
4 – Simtek – 69
5 – Toleman – 34
6 – Super Aguri – 17
7 – Pacific – 14
8 – Minardi – 6
9 – Life – 2

UNREJECTIFIED DRIVERS:
Villeneuve, Andretti, Hunt, Speed (USA); HWNSNBM, Borgudd (Brazil); Inoue (San Marino); Ide (Monaco); Délétraz (Canada)

[Bleu]

For me Canada was traditionally race with most retirements. Mostly due to collisions in the last chicane. This race seemed to be exception in that.

[dinizintheoven]

Cars don't retire easily in Microprose Grand Prix, so it seems. There's a setting that prevents any damage, but I've got it turned off... and still, the cars are even more indestructible than the ultra-reliable 2010 grid.

Round Six will follow later...

[dinizintheoven]

The F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series is sponsored by the Wasp T12 Speechtool. It's well Mexico, yeah?

Round 6: Mexico City, Mexico

GRID:
1 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1'23.744
2 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 1'23.788
3 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 1'25.148
4 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1'25.969
5 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 1'26.239
6 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 1'26.327
7 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) – 1'26.414
8 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 1'27.235
9 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) – 1'27.818
10 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 1'27.955
11 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 1'28.767
12 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) – 1'28.864
13 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) – 1'28.902
14 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) – 1'28.996
15 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 1'29.263
16 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) – 1'29.311
17 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) – 1'29.444
18 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) – 1'29.893
19 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) – 1'30.664
20 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) – 1'30.716
21 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) – 1'30.896
22 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) – 1'30.944
23 – 34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda) – 1'31.895
24 – 10 C. Langes (EuroBrun) – 1'31.926
25 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) – 1'32.070
26 – 9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun) – 1'32.154

DNQ:
11 L. Badoer (Forti)
12 E. Naspetti (Forti)
14 P. Ghinzani (Osella)
17 F. Hesnault (AGS)
18 F. Barbazza (AGS)
30 R. Rosset (Lola)
31 P. Chaves (Coloni)
35 P. McCarthy (Andrea Moda)

HWNSNBM and Scott Speed show everyone else the way, being ahead of Délétraz in third by well over a second. It's F1 Rejects and USGP on the front two rows, a superb recovery from the previous qualifying disaster for Yuji Ide, and a few worried faces in the Ferrari garage get even more worried as the sound of an espresso cup being hurled at the wall in Maranello can be heard half way round the world in Mexico City. Life are further up the grid than they're used to, the W12 somehow working on the Mexican circuit's long straights, while there is a mysterious slide in the other direction for Simtek. Kazuki Nakajime covers himself in a lack of glory, but not as much as Ricardo Rosset who drops off the grid for the first time this season. Both EuroBruns and the Andrea Moda of Roberto Moreno are back, though... and 23rd for an Andrea Moda must be considered the result of the century. Now if only Pedro Chaves and Perry McCarthy could join them...
Naspetti's DNQ time was 1'33.516 for 32nd place overall – I never managed to get a look at who was dead last.


RACE:

1 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1h 42'16.088
2 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) + 1 lap
3 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) + 1 lap
4 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) + 2 laps
5 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) + 2 laps
6 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) + 2 laps
7 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) + 2 laps
8 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) + 2 laps
9 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) + 2 laps
10 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) + 3 laps
11 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) + 3 laps
12 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) + 3 laps
13 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) + 3 laps
14 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) + 3 laps
15 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) + 3 laps
16 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) + 4 laps
17 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) + 4 laps
18 – 9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun) + 4 laps
19 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) + 5 laps
20 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) + 5 laps
21 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) + 5 laps
22 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) + 5 laps
23 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) + 6 laps
24 – 10 C. Langes (EuroBrun) + 6 laps
25 – 34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda) + 6 laps
DNF – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects)

The top five positions scrambled like a fruit machine on the first lap before Michael Andretti took a clear lead from HWNSNBM holding off the chasing pack. Ide and Inoue charged up the field, as did Nelson Piquet Jr; Andretti was so fast that everyone up to Scott Speed in third had been lapped by lap 32. Belmondo went on a charge, lost the plot, then picked up the pace again, Gilles had a shocker in the middle of the race, and after 51 laps, even HWNSBSM succumbed to the charging Andretti. This was no freak wet race where everyone dropped out, Andretti lapped the entire field on merit and is looking like we may as well give him the championship already. Extra credit to Gary Brabham for bringing the Life home in the points, 18th for Enrico Bertaggia in the EuroBrun is a brilliant result considering how legendarily awful the car is, but it's disaster for James Hunt, 13th and three laps down, while Délétraz is the only retirement. Langes and Moreno also bring their dreadfully slow cars to the chequered flag, and have covered enough of the race distance to be classified.

DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – M. Andretti (USGP) – 108
2 – HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 95
3 – G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 86
4 – S. Speed (USGP) – 65
5 – J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 49
6 – T. Inoue (Simtek) – 44
7 – S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 37
8 – N. Piquet (Toleman) – 32
9 – Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 27
10 – J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 22
11 – P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 12
12 – R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 10
13 – A. Montermini (Pacific) – 9
14= J. Carwash (Minardi) – 4
14= G. Brabham (Life) – 4
15 – P. Martini (Minardi) – 2

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – USGP – 173
2 – Ferrari – 135
3 – F1 Rejects – 117
4 – Simtek – 81
5 – Toleman – 42
6 – Super Aguri – 27
7 – Pacific – 21
8 – Minardi – 6
9 – Life – 4

UNREJECTIFIED DRIVERS:
Villeneuve, Andretti, Hunt, Speed (USA); HWNSNBM, Borgudd (Brazil); Inoue (San Marino); Ide (Monaco); Délétraz (Canada); Piquet (Mexico)

[dinizintheoven]

Round 7: Magny-Cours, France

GRID:
1 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1'21.223
2 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 1'22.824
3 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 1'23.064
4 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 1'23.067
5 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 1'23.180
6 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1'23.299
7 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) – 1'24.123
8 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 1'24.456
9 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 1'24.526
10 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 1'24.575
11 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) – 1'24.900
12 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) – 1'25.108
13 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) – 1'25.523
14 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) – 1'25.842
15 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) – 1'25.964
16 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) – 1'26.583
17 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) – 1'26.620
18 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) – 1'26.707
19 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 1'26.942
20 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) – 1'27.227
21 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) – 1'27.883
22 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) – 1'28.166
23 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) – 1'28.206
24 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) – 1'29.178
25 – 9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun) – 1'29.715
26 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) – 1'30.003

DNQ:
10 C. Langes (EuroBrun)
12 E. Naspetti (Forti)
14 P. Ghinzani (Osella)
17 F. Hesnault (AGS)
18 F. Barbazza (AGS)
31 P. Chaves (Coloni)
34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda)
35 P. McCarthy (Andrea Moda)

F1 Rejects lock out the first row in France with Yuji Ide starring in third for Super Aguri and James Hunt the lead Ferrari. Andretti has a quiet afternoon, Slim Borgudd looks to be getting his form back, and Gilles Villeneuve goes off to the motorhome to have a sulk. It's another above-par performance from the two Lifes, and Gregor Foitek sticks his Monteverdi in a 14th position that it has no right to be in on pure performance. Pacific have a poor session, Badoer gets a Forti back on the grid, and the two people who must be looking at their team mates thinking "how did he do that?" are Kazuki Nakajima and Pierre-Henri Raphanel.


RACE:

1 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 1h 46'51.828
2 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) + 1'28.101
3 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) + 1 lap
4 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) + 1 lap
5 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) + 1 lap
6 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) + 1 lap
7 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) + 2 laps
8 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) + 2 laps
9 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) + 2 laps
10 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) + 2 laps
11 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) + 2 laps
12 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) + 2 laps
13 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) + 3 laps
14 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) + 3 laps
15 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) + 3 laps
16 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) + 3 laps
17 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) + 3 laps
18 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) + 3 laps
19 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) + 4 laps
20 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) + 4 laps
21 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) + 4 laps
22 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) + 4 laps
23 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) + 4 laps
24 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) + 5 laps
25 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) + 5 laps
26 – 9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun) + 7 laps

This championship just keeps throwing up surprises as Scott Speed destroys the field to become the fifth winner in seven races, and increase USGP's lead in the Constructors' Championship; Michael Andretti does enough to keep the lead in the Drivers' Championship. Only James Hunt finishes on the same lap as Speed – and only just. Hunt actually tries to drink the champagne that is sprayed at him on the podium courtesy of the two Americans. With the top three teams occupying the top six slots (and Délétraz getting one over HWNSNBM for once), Toleman are best of the rest, Slim Borgudd's return to form continues, albeit slowly, and Pierluigi Martini picks up another useful point for Minardi. Yuji Ide's plummet down the field means Kazuki Nakajima's performance is slightly less embarrassing, but there are words hovering round that all is not well in the Super Aguri camp and someone might be hovering around to replace Kazuki... who will inevitably move to Stefan GP, who aren't even on the grid. Foitek keeps the Monteverdi in the midfield, Pacific have a race to forget (and especially Paul Belmondo), and Enrico Bertaggia downs an entire bottle of Jägermeister in an attempt to forget being lapped twice by a Forti.


DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – M. Andretti (USGP) – 123
2 – HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 105
3 – G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 94
4 – S. Speed (USGP) – 90
5 – J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 67
6 – T. Inoue (Simtek) – 44
7 – S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 39
8 – N. Piquet (Toleman) – 36
9 – Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 27
10 – J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 34
11 – R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 16
12 – P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 12
13 – A. Montermini (Pacific) – 9
14= J. Carwash (Minardi) – 4
14= G. Brabham (Life) – 4
15 – P. Martini (Minardi) – 3

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – USGP – 213
2 – Ferrari – 161
3 – F1 Rejects – 139
4 – Simtek – 83
5 – Toleman – 52
6 – Super Aguri – 27
7 – Pacific – 21
8 – Minardi – 7
9 – Life – 4

UNREJECTIFIED DRIVERS:
Villeneuve, Andretti, Hunt, Speed (USA); HWNSNBM, Borgudd (Brazil); Inoue (San Marino); Ide (Monaco); Délétraz (Canada); Piquet (Mexico)

[Barbazza]

The F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series is sponsored by the Wasp T12 Speechtool. It's well Mexico, yeah?

I suspect, unless I'm very much mistaken, that this is probably the only Nathan Barley reference on this forum.

[dinizintheoven]

The F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series is sponsored by the Wasp T12 Speechtool. It's well Mexico, yeah?

I suspect, unless I'm very much mistaken, that this is probably the only Nathan Barley reference on this forum.

Well spotted. You have won a year's free subscription to Sugar Ape.

Anyway, on with the show, and here comes the end of the first half of the season...

Round 8: Silverstone, Great Britain

GRID:
1 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 1'28.061
2 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1'29.054
3 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 1'30.488
4 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 1'30.529
5 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) – 1'30.620
6 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1'31.085
7 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 1'31.706
8 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) – 1'31.837
9 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 1'32.016
10 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) – 1'32.129
11 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) – 1'32.220
12 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) – 1'32.584
13 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 1'32.599
14 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 1'33.180
15 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 1'33.260
16 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) – 1'34.278
17 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) – 1'34.281
18 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) – 1'34.356
19 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) – 1'34.812
20 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) – 1'34.984
21 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) – 1'35.657
22 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) – 1'35.657
23 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) – 1'36.074
24 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) – 1'36.078
25 – 9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun) – 1'36.291
26 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) – 1'36.469

DNQ:
10 C. Langes (EuroBrun)
12 E. Naspetti (Forti)
14 P. Ghinzani (Osella)
17 F. Hesnault (AGS)
18 F. Barbazza (AGS)
31 P. Chaves (Coloni)
34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda)
35 P. McCarthy (Andrea Moda)

I'm noticing a pattern here: pole is about a second ahead of second, who is more than a second ahead of third, and that's where the field starts to bunch up. It's a first pole of the year for Jean-Denis Délétraz, and it's been a long time coming. The usual suspects are up the front, with Ralf Schumacher in the Toleman splitting off the USGP cars from their two title rivals. 10th and 11th is a promising showing for Minardi, while Yuji Ide and Slim Borgudd are probably kicking themselves in frustration for an alarming slide down the grid after their unexpected heroics this season. Life gets worse for Kazuki Nakajima, stuck in 24th, and Bruno Giacomelli shows the legend of the original Life squad is almost still alive by almost dropping off the grid. The DNQs are exactly the same as the previous race in France.


RACE:

1 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1h 36'59.847
2 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) + 5.909
3 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) + 34.700
4 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) + 1'00.477
5 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) + 1'01.787
6 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) + 1'02.429
7 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) + 1'04.172
8 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) + 1'26.426
9 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) + 1 lap
10 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) + 1 lap
11 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) + 2 laps
12 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) + 2 laps
13 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) + 2 laps
14 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) + 2 laps
15 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) + 2 laps
16 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) + 3 laps
17 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) + 3 laps
18 – 9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun) + 3 laps
19 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) + 3 laps
20 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) + 4 laps
21 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) + 4 laps
22 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) + 4 laps
23 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) + 4 laps
24 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) + 4 laps
25 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) + 4 laps
DNF – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi)

A banzai start by Inoue and Ide, a dreadful start for Délétraz and Hunt, and an early retirement for Johnny Carwash were the early highlights. HWNSNBM took over the lead, and had lapped Hunt in 10th after 22 laps, as Délétraz fell down the field towards the clutches of the charging Japanese drivers, only to recover and scramble past the two USGP cars and Nelsinho before eventually dropping back to fourth. So, an eventful race for him, and a disappointing race for Michael Andretti, especially with his team mate grabbing the final place on the podium – behind the resurgent Gilles Villeneuve and HWNSNBM, who was in a class of his own right up until the penultimate lap... he was a minute ahead, then the timing went completely bandy, Délétraz to Inoue all unlapped themselves but the order otherwise stayed the same... didn't see what happened there, but he escaped to take what was in the end a fortuitous win.
Gregor Foitek ran as high as 9th in the early stages, and will be cursing his luck that he couldn't turn it into a point for Monteverdi. Nakajima didn't disgrace himself in the race, for once, Bertaggia dragged the miserable EuroBrun to a creditable 18th, and it is left to Lola and Prost to bring up the rear.
Délétraz improves his position in the Drivers' Championship, but there's no change in the top six. Meanwhile, in the Constructors', with Ferrari stuttering and F1 Rejects improving, USGP end up increasing their lead.

DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – M. Andretti (USGP) – 133
2 – HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 130
3 – G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 112
4 – S. Speed (USGP) – 105
5 – J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 68
6 – T. Inoue (Simtek) – 50
7 – J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 46
8 – N. Piquet (Toleman) – 44
9 – S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 39
10 – Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 31
11 – R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 18
12 – P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 12
13 – A. Montermini (Pacific) – 9
14= J. Carwash (Minardi) – 4
14= G. Brabham (Life) – 4
15 – P. Martini (Minardi) – 3

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – USGP – 238
2 – Ferrari – 180
3 – F1 Rejects – 176
4 – Simtek – 89
5 – Toleman – 62
6 – Super Aguri – 31
7 – Pacific – 21
8 – Minardi – 7
9 – Life – 4

UNREJECTIFIED DRIVERS:
Villeneuve, Andretti, Hunt, Speed (USA); HWNSNBM, Borgudd (Brazil); Inoue (San Marino); Ide (Monaco); Délétraz (Canada); Piquet (Mexico)

[dinizintheoven]

Round 9: Hockenheim (the proper one), Germany

GRID:
1 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 1'45.212
2 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1'45.793
3 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1'45.800
4 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 1'45.928
5 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 1'46.718
6 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 1'47.098
7 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 1'47.441
8 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 1'47.894
9 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) – 1'48.191
10 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 1'48.615
11 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 1'48.617
12 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) – 1'48.821
13 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) – 1'49.026
14 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) – 1'49.034
15 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) – 1'49.917
16 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) – 1'49.970
17 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) – 1'50.257
18 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) – 1'50.629
19 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) – 1'50.965
20 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) – 1'51.217
21 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) – 1'51.220
22 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) – 1'52.519
23 – 31 P. Chaves (Coloni) – 1'53.116
24 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) – 1'53.337
25 – 9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun) – 1'53.793
26 – 12 E. Naspetti (Forti) – 1'53.801

DNQ:
10 C. Langes (EuroBrun)
11 L. Badoer (Forti)
14 P. Ghinzani (Osella)
17 F. Hesnault (AGS)
18 F. Barbazza (AGS)
30 R. Rosset (Lola)
34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda)
35 P. McCarthy (Andrea Moda)

"Yeeeee-haaaaaaw! It's like ninteen-hundr'd-n'-forty-five all over again, we done kicked all yo' asses in Germany!" The words of Team Vice-Principal, Colonel Sanders, on USGP's storming performance to put both their cars at the front of the Hockenheim grid, even though it's not the usual one-second-plus rout that this series has seen so much of. Martin Brundle meets up with John Cleese during his customary grid-walk, who is heard to comment: "Don't mention the war. Colonel Sanders mentioned it once, but I think he got away with it." Ralf Schumacher, the only German driver on the grid, was unavailable for comment but would probably have said nothing after all that time at Toyota trained him to be as anonymous as possible. F1 Rejects continue to siege the Ferrari castle with the intention of overhauling their Italian rivals for second place in the championship, then ultimately, the title; even the great Gilles Villeneuve will struggle to make enough of an impact from sixth to stop both F1 Rejects and USGP. Pierre-Henri Raphanel proves that Gregor Foitek's qualifying performance in France was no fluke, with a highly creditable 13th in the Monteverdi. Simtek and Pacific are there or there abouts, Kazuki Nakajima must be wondering what he has to do to match his charging team mate, and Bruno Giacomelli shows that the limp performance from Life at Silverstone, where he was a whisker away from not qualifying, was just a blip. But by far the most startling performance was produced by PEDRO CHAVES IN THE COLONI who not only made the grid, but beat Sospiri, Bertaggia and Naspetti as well! The heavy Subaru flat-12 engine must be working well on the Hockenheim straights. The most miserable team of them all will be Lola, who should be well ahead of where they are but have only one car on the grid, and that's sitting behind the Coloni. And so, it is now only Perry McCarthy who has yet to make the grid this season.
Incidentally, Claudio Langes was last in qualifying with a comical 1'58.676.


RACE:

1 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1h 25'07.503
2 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) + 1'20.247
3 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) + 1'22.715
4 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) + 1'43.104
5 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) + 1 lap
6 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) + 1 lap
7 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) + 1 lap
8 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) + 1 lap
9 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) + 1 lap
10 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) + 1 lap
11 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) + 2 laps
12 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) + 2 laps
13 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) + 2 laps
14 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) + 2 laps
15 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) + 2 laps
16 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) + 2 laps
17 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) + 2 laps
18 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) + 2 laps
19 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) + 2 laps
20 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) + 3 laps
21 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) + 3 laps
22 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) + 3 laps
23 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) + 3 laps
24 – 12 E. Naspetti (Forti) + 4 laps
25 – 9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun) + 4 laps
26 – 31 P. Chaves (Coloni) + 4 laps

Colonel Sanders may have been wishing he'd kept his mouth shut on the first lap as HWNSNBM monstered the two USGP cars, before Andretti took the lead and... the rest is history. Speed, HWNSNBM, Gilles, JDD and Schumi junior all spent the first ten laps furiously swapping places, with Slim Borgudd eventually joining in and James Hunt hanging onto the back of the pack (and not a pack of extra-strong Marlboros, either), until these two were lapped. HWNSNBM and Gilles fought hard for the two remaining podium places, with Scott Speed an unchallenged fourth. Schumi ran fifth for most of the race, but was ultimately passed by Délétraz and will now need two more similar results to extricate himself from the land of the reject. And celebrations ensue around the espresso machine in the Minardi motorhome as Johnny Carwash grabs a point!
Further down the field, nobody really knows what caused Nelson Piquet Jr. to have such an anonymous race, or both the Pacifics for that matter. Foitek turned the Monteverdi form book on its head and reasserted himself over his team mate who took all the glory in qualifying, and I suppose it was inevitable that if Pedro Chaves finished, he would be last, behind even the painfully slow four-pot Forti of Emanuele Naspetti, making only his second race of the season, and the EuroBrun of Enrico Bertaggia. Still, he brought the Coloni to the chequered flag, didn't disgrace himself, and that'll give Portugal something to cheer about.

After the race, Super Aguri announced their intention to fire Kazuki Nakajima for being rubbish even by the standards of a rejects-based series, and were told by the series organisers, in these exact words, to "bathplug off". Zoran Stefanovic then offered to buy the entire team, the organisers told him to "bathplug off" as well, and Suzuki threatened him with a katana. Nobody cares what Nakajima thinks.

The series organisers have also clarified that, with the unbreakable season-long contracts for the drivers, positions for drivers scoring no points will first be decided by the number of DNQs accumulated, then by finishing positions – as is fitting for a championship consisting almost entirely of rejects.


DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – M. Andretti (USGP) – 158
2 – HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 148
3 – G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 127
4 – S. Speed (USGP) – 117
5 – J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 72
6 – J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 56
7 – T. Inoue (Simtek) – 50
8 – S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 45
9 – N. Piquet (Toleman) – 44
10 – Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 33
11 – R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 26
12 – P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 12
13 – A. Montermini (Pacific) – 9
14 – J. Carwash (Minardi) – 5
15 – G. Brabham (Life) – 4
16 – P. Martini (Minardi) – 3

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – USGP – 275
2 – F1 Rejects – 205
3 – Ferrari – 199
4 – Simtek – 95
5 – Toleman – 70
6 – Super Aguri – 33
7 – Pacific – 21
8 – Minardi – 8
9 – Life – 4

UNREJECTIFIED DRIVERS:
Villeneuve, Andretti, Hunt, Speed (USA); HWNSNBM, Borgudd (Brazil); Inoue (San Marino); Ide (Monaco); Délétraz (Canada); Piquet (Mexico)

[DanielPT]

Still, he brought the Coloni to the chequered flag, didn't disgrace himself, and that'll give Portugal something to cheer about.

About time!

[dinizintheoven]

Who said the Hungaroring was a boring place? It gave us the first win for Fernando Alonso, Jenson Button and Heikki Kovalainen, and but for a 50p rubber washer would also have been a first win for Arrows at the hands of Damon Hill. It seems qualifying shouldn't be overlooked either...

Round 10: Hungaroring, Hungary

GRID:
1 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 1'25.707
2 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 1'26.316
3 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) – 1'26.761
4 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 1'27.248
5 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 1'27.461
6 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 1'28.034
7 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) – 1'28.839
8 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 1'29.047
9 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) – 1'29.123
10 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1'29.244
11 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 1'29.288
12 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 1'29.574
13 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) – 1'30.469
14 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) – 1'30.516
15 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1'30.670
16 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) – 1'30.757
17 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) – 1'30.953
18 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) – 1'31.155
19 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) – 1'31.373
20 – 17 F. Hesnault (AGS) – 1'31.870
21 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) – 1'31.935
22 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) – 1'31.979
23 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) – 1'32.193
24 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) – 1'32.228
25 – 9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun) – 1'32.263
26 – 35 P. McCarthy (Andrea Moda) – 1'32.583

DNQ:
10 C. Langes (EuroBrun)
12 E. Naspetti (Forti)
14 P. Ghinzani (Osella)
18 F. Barbazza (AGS)
25 O. Grouillard (Prost)
26 P. Alliot (Prost)
31 P. Chaves (Coloni)
34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda)

Can someone explain what just went on there? They must have been putting something in the goulash. It's pure, unrestrained ecstasy in the Minardi garage as Pierluigi Martini throws back to the glory days of Phoenix 1990 and takes third on the grid, Kazuki Nakajima celebrates not being sacked and comes closer to matching his team mate than he's ever done before, and Gregor Foitek gets his Monteverdi into the top ten. In doing so he beats the mighty Michael Andretti, and words such as "aw, daaayng it!" and "Tarnation!" are heard from the USGP garage. Slim Borgudd flirted dangerously with a DNQ, placed a precarious 26th after his third run; Inoue was 27th at that point and will be relieved to have made it to the grid, even if only in 16th. By far the biggest disaster of the front runners was HWNSNBM, who cracked under the pressure of performing in front of his home crowd and capitulated to a spectacularly awful 15th. But who is more annoyed, him or Alain Prost, who bursts forth with an explosive "SACRE BLEU!" as both his cars crash out on the Saturday afternoon. See, even at the back, things have gone weird; the Prosts can't qualify, but François Hesnault returns AGS to the grid for the first time since Monaco, and... what's that I see in 26th place, there? It's PERRY McCARTHY! After Pedro Chaves' heroics in Germany, finally it's the turn of He Whose Name Was Once Never To Be Mentioned While Employed By The BBC (even though he was actually revealed by the Metro while still wearing the black racing overalls) to make the grid, and that means all 34 drivers have finally had a chance to race. Sales of Flat Out, Flat Broke have just gone through the roof.


RACE:

1 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 2h 04'50.944
2 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) + 35.973
3 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) + 1'35.256
4 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) + 1 lap
5 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) + 1 lap
6 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) + 2 laps
7 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) + 2 laps
8 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) + 2 laps
9 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) + 2 laps
10 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) + 2 laps
11 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) + 2 laps
12 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) + 3 laps
13 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) + 3 laps
14 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) + 3 laps
15 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) + 3 laps
16 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) + 3 laps
17 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) + 3 laps
18 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) + 3 laps
19 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) + 3 laps
20 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) + 4 laps
21 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) + 4 laps
22 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) + 4 laps
23 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) + 5 laps
24 – 9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun) + 5 laps
25 – 17 F. Hesnault (AGS) + 6 laps
26 – 35 P. McCarthy (Andrea Moda) + 6 laps

A bizarre grid it may have been, but the result wasn't quite so odd. In the end, Scott Speed was left flying the stars and stripes high over the podium, joined by Gilles Villeneuve and Jean-Denis Délétraz, effectively leading the F1 Rejects team for the day. The two other main championship contenders had a quiet afternoon, HWNSNBM making his way slowly but steadily up the order, reaching 5th on lap 38 – but by that time, he had been lapped. As too was Andretti, on lap 42, but by that time he was a minute ahead of HWNSNBM and was able to cruise to an easy fourth that keeps him in the lead of the Drivers' Championship. The severest of battles was fought by the cars two laps down, as they were for about half the race – Borgudd came out on top, but Bruno Giacomelli will be delighted with his first points of the season for Life; Ralf Schumacher was not really on the pace of the others and finished out of the points. Paul Belmondo scored useful points for Pacific. The biggest loser was Pierluigi Martini, who must have thought he could take serious points from third, but soon crashed down the order – as did Nakajima and Foitek. Kazuki continues to frustrate his team boss, and finishing four laps down and behind a Forti is not the way to impress. François Hesnault and Perry McCarthy both managed to drag their awful clunkers to the flag, and the man who will take most solace from this is Pedro Chaves... McCarthy was running 25th for most of the race, which would have put him ahead of Chaves in the final reckoning. As it is, they're equal, and as the Coloni motorhome rattles towards Belgium (it's a 25-year-old Fiat Ducato camper van with a broken cooker and coffee stains all over the seats), Pedro will be plotting how to get to the grid a second time...


DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – M. Andretti (USGP) – 170
2 – HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 158
3 – G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 145
4 – S. Speed (USGP) – 142
5 – J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 73
6 – J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 71
7 – S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 53
8 – T. Inoue (Simtek) – 50
9 – N. Piquet (Toleman) – 44
10 – Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 35
11 – R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 26
12 – P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 16
13 – A. Montermini (Pacific) – 9
14 – B. Giacomelli (Life) – 6
15 – J. Carwash (Minardi) – 5
16 – G. Brabham (Life) – 4
17 – P. Martini (Minardi) – 3

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – USGP – 312
2 – F1 Rejects – 229
3 – Ferrari – 218
4 – Simtek – 103
5 – Toleman – 70
6 – Super Aguri – 35
7 – Pacific – 25
8 – Life – 10
9 – Minardi – 8

UNREJECTIFIED DRIVERS:
Villeneuve, Andretti, Hunt, Speed (USA); HWNSNBM, Borgudd (Brazil); Inoue (San Marino); Ide (Monaco); Délétraz (Canada); Piquet (Mexico)

[Yannick]

Why oh why is the Prost team not competitive? Looking at their chassis/engine combination in comparison to those of the other teams, they should be #2 in the pecking order by now, just behind Ferrari.

And if the season continues like this, F1Rejects Racing will lose their engine deal for upstaging the works team.

[dinizintheoven]

Why oh why is the Prost team not competitive? Looking at their chassis/engine combination in comparison to those of the other teams, they should be #2 in the pecking order by now, just behind Ferrari.

Bear in mind this is a game based rather heavily on the 1991 season... I'll leave you to work it out.

Anyway, to Belgium...

[David AGS]

I used to really really love this game. A few points

1.Car 18 was actually Barbazza's helmet in the game. Of course it wasnt licenced, so no real drivers were in it

2. No mechanical failures, the only way you can DNF is to hit something hard. You can continue with a rear wing bent (not off!) but you cant stay in a straight line.

3. The cars ARE NOT all the same. There was this performance editor a while ago, and the grip levels were diferent

4. There was a car editor a while ago. So you can change the liveries, same for helmets as well. Apparently there was a track editor as well, but I never used it.

[dinizintheoven]

1.Car 18 was actually Barbazza's helmet in the game. Of course it wasnt licenced, so no real drivers were in it

I recognised a load of helmets even back in 1991 as being the real thing (Nigel Mansell's - sorry, Robert Davies' - heh) being another obvious one. Barb's was quite distinctive in that it looked like it had solar panels all over it. If it had, (a) the AGS would have been the first hybrid F1 car, and (b) he might have actually qualified that year...

Back to the action, at everyone's favourite circuit!

Round 11 – Spa-Francorchamps, Belgium

GRID:
1 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 1'57.949
2 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1'59.321
3 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 2'01.529
4 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 2'01.539
5 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 2'01.743
6 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 2'01.958
7 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 2'02.506
8 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) – 2'02.789
9 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 2'03.077
10 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) – 2'03.210
11 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) – 2'03.376
12 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) – 2'03.376
13 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 2'03.547
14 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) – 2'03.674
15 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) – 2'03.915
16 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) – 2'04.041
17 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) – 2'04.451
18 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 2'05.292
19 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) – 2'05.458
20 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) – 2'06.424
21 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) – 2'06.598
22 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) – 2'06.893
23 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) – 2'07.221
24 – 10 C. Langes (EuroBrun) – 2'08.304
25 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) – 2'08.382
26 – 17 F. Hesnault (AGS) – 2'09.342

DNQ:
8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi)
9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun)
12 E. Naspetti (Forti)
14 P. Ghinzani (Osella)
18 F. Barbazza (AGS)
31 P. Chaves (Coloni)
34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda)
35 P. McCarthy (Andrea Moda)

It's Belgium, which can men only one thing – it's raining, hence a pole time that would only have been good enough for 13th on the grid in 1985. Even so, there weren't too many surprises up the top – except for an unexpected display of form by Kazuki Nakajima, outqualifying the great Gilles Villeneuve. Maybe a fearsome rant from the team boss did him the world of good. What has happened to Ferrari? The early leaders of the season, they look to be dropping off to make it a straight fight at the top between USGP and F1 Rejects. Further down the grid there weren't too many more surprises, with one notable exception – Pierre-Henri Raphanel, who scores a first DNQ for Monterverdi all season. Langes qualifies for EuroBrun while Bertaggia doesn't the first time that's happened, and François Hesnault drags his AGS onto the grid for the fifth time. Big-haired Barb must be wondering how he does it, having not seen a race since Phoenix...


RACE:

1 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1h 44'45.443
2 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) + 14.160
3 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) + 41.938
4 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) + 49.506
5 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) + 1'16.649
6 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) + 1'18.765
7 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) + 1'33.564
8 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) + 1'48.327
9 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) + 2'10.899
10 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) + 1 lap
11 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) + 1 lap
12 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) + 1 lap
13 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) + 1 lap
14 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) + 1 lap
15 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) + 1 lap
16 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) + 1 lap
17 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) + 1 lap
18 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) + 2 laps
19 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) + 2 laps
20 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) + 2 laps
21 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) + 2 laps
22 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) + 2 laps
23 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) + 2 laps
24 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) + 3 laps
25 – 10 C. Langes (EuroBrun) + 3 laps
26 – 17 F. Hesnault (AGS) + 3 laps

Given some of the utter demolitions this season, how did this wet race not make one? Three of the top four on the grid made the podium, everyone finished, even in these conditions, and the only major surprise of note was Michael Andretti's alarming slide down the order from third on the grid to a horribly disappointing eighth at the flag. Maybe he's had orders from on high to make the championship a little less like a procession... and has lost the lead as a result of that worst classification of the season. Probably the happiest team are Toleman, 4th and 6th being a positive result but with Ralf still needing another top-six finish to haul himself out of rejectdom and banish that Phoenix DNQ from his memory for ever. Gilles slides to fourth in the title race, overtaken by Scott Speed who is definitely in with a shout if he keeps this form up. Probably the oddest result was how Yuji Ide could have been so far behind without being lapped, but with a wet race lap in the 2'18s, that's how it happened. And at the back... no surprises either as to who eventually brought up the rear. More action next time... I hope.


DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 183
2 – M. Andretti (USGP) – 174
3 – S. Speed (USGP) – 160
4 – G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 155
5 – J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 86
6 – J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 79
7 – N. Piquet (Toleman) – 56
8 – S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 53
9 – T. Inoue (Simtek) – 50
10 – Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 37
11 – R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 34
12 – P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 16
13 – A. Montermini (Pacific) – 9
14 – B. Giacomelli (Life) – 6
15 – J. Carwash (Minardi) – 5
16= G. Brabham (Life) – 4
16= P. Martini (Minardi) – 4

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – USGP – 334
2 – F1 Rejects – 269
3 – Ferrari – 234
4 – Simtek – 103
5 – Toleman – 90
6 – Super Aguri – 37
7 – Pacific – 25
8 – Life – 10
9 – Minardi – 9

UNREJECTIFIED DRIVERS:
Villeneuve, Andretti, Hunt, Speed (USA); HWNSNBM, Borgudd (Brazil); Inoue (San Marino); Ide (Monaco); Délétraz (Canada); Piquet (Mexico)

[David AGS]

1.Car 18 was actually Barbazza's helmet in the game. Of course it wasnt licenced, so no real drivers were in it

I recognised a load of helmets even back in 1991 as being the real thing (Nigel Mansell's - sorry, Robert Davies' - heh) being another obvious one. Barb's was quite distinctive in that it looked like it had solar panels all over it. If it had, (a) the AGS would have been the first hybrid F1 car, and (b) he might have actually qualified that year...

I think Barbazza loves flowers, and the helmet is a spread out flower from above, so you only see the petals

Not in Adelaide, it bucketed down. He would have still had a DNQ to his name.

There is controversy in the livery. Since that 'Dark Blue' has been taken by Ligier, Lambo (34-35) is Coloni's real colour, while Coloni have just used a yellow livery!

[Barbazza]

I think Barbazza loves flowers, and the helmet is a spread out flower from above, so you only see the petals

I have no real opinions on flowers. I do have an interest in geometry however, and specifically asked for trapezoids on the top half of the helmet.

The colour I picked as it was just about the only one that never appeared on an AGS.

[dinizintheoven]

There is controversy in the livery. Since that 'Dark Blue' has been taken by Ligier, Lambo (34-35) is Coloni's real colour, while Coloni have just used a yellow livery!

I noticed that... eventually. The cars all look the same from inside the cockpit, and you'd have to use the "view" mode to see the outside. And as there's only been one Coloni on this grid all season and very few appearances from the 34/35 cars, I'm glad I tool the chance to look at them from the outside when I did... I also see that the Tyrrells (or Super Aguris as they are in this reality) are running the 1990 livery.

I'm busy doing a lot of extra writing at the moment, but I have time to fit in another round, with only four to go after this one. Put on your Ferrari merchandise, build some rickety temporary grandstands and prepare to hurl abuse at anyone who has the nerve to drive for another team, we're going to...

Round 12: Monza, Italy

GRID:
1 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1'30.144
2 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 1'30.903
3 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 1'31.026
4 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1'31.030
5 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 1'31.946
6 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 1'32.548
7 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) – 1'32.628
8 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 1'32.825
9 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) – 1'32.628
10 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) – 1'33.076
11 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 1'33.190
12 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 1'33.506
13 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) – 1'34.352
14 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 1'34.520
15 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) – 1'35.111
16 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) – 1'35.127
17 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) – 1'35.639
18 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) – 1'35.673
19 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) – 1'35.678
20 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) – 1'36.404
21 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) – 1'36.554
22 – 12 E. Naspetti (Forti) – 1'37.367
23 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) – 1'37.962
24 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) – 1'38.015
25 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) – 1'38.200
26 – 34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda) – 1'38.964

DNQ:
9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun)
10 C. Langes (EuroBrun)
14 P. Ghinzani (Osella)
17 F. Hesnault (AGS)
18 F. Barbazza (AGS)
30 R. Rosset (Lola)
31 P. Chaves (Coloni)
35 P. McCarthy (Andrea Moda)

Round two in front of the fanatical tifosi, and unfortunately for them (in a way), it's James Hunt who is charged with taking the fight to HWNSBSM and Scott Speed – lock up your daughters, all of Italy, or he'll take his eye off the race win soon enough. Andretti lies in wait for any errors from The Shunt, Yuji Ide is on superb form again, Slim paradiddles his way to a very respectable sixth, but oh dear... Gilles has got Formula 1 pie all over his overalls. Nobody of his ability should be lining up behind a Minardi – and Jamie and Enoch will be shouting Australian curses at Jean-Denis Délétraz for a limp performance to take only 11th. There is further shame and dishonour for Kazuki Nakajima, a return to the grid for PHR after that errant performance in Belgium, and for the first time this season, both Fortis make the grid as well as Roberto Moreno in the reticent Andrea Moda. Double DNQ for EuroBrun and AGS, though that's hardly an unfamiliar sight...


RACE:

1 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 1h 26'43.682
2 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) + 9.392
3 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) + 18.145
4 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) + 28.816
5 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) + 33.105
6 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) + 47.041
7 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) + 1'26.778
8 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) + 1'30.506
9 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) + 1 lap
10 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) + 1 lap
11 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) + 1 lap
12 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) + 2 laps
13 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) + 2 laps
14 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) + 2 laps
15 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) + 2 laps
16 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) + 2 laps
17 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) + 2 laps
18 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) + 2 laps
19 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) + 3 laps
20 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) + 3 laps
21 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) + 3 laps
22 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) + 3 laps
23 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) + 3 laps
24 – 12 E. Naspetti (Forti) + 4 laps
25 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) + 5 laps
26 – 34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda) + 5 laps

What was I saying there about Michael Andretti taking advantage of any Hunt errors? Jumped him at the start line, that's what happened. HWNSNBM and Andretti mysteriously disappeared on lap 4... the cameras missed the incident, but rumours that they were papayaed by the angry tifosi (which promoted Gilles to 2nd by that time after a lightning start) continue to fly. So JDD took the fight to Ferrari, who by now had Hunt The Shunt leading the race for the first time all season, while Gilles also went AWOL. HWNSNBM made a valiant recovery, Andretti and Villeneuve were less successful. Disaster struck for the tifosi on lap 40 as James Hunt, 25 seconds in the lead, lost the plot – and 47 seconds – to drop to third and leave HWNSNBM and Délétraz in the top two slots, but was handed it back on a plate as both F1 Rejects cars needed fresh tyres. So, in the end, the tifosi got what they wanted – not the Villeneuve victory, but the generously-sideburned legend that is his team mate took the champagne... and drank every last drop before the national anthems had even finished. Jamie and Enoch apologise to JDD for calling him a "flaming gollah" after qualifying, and HWNSNBM takes third to keep his lead in the championship that once seemed like Andretti's to lose. Ted Toleman celebrated a second consecutive 4th place for Nelson Piquet Jr... but can he get on the podium this season? Further down the order it looked good for Minardi, both their cars being in the top ten at one point, but it was not to be in front of their home crowd. Nakajima was ninth for a while as well... but at that altitude, he had a nosebleed and dropped to a more familiar finishing position. And, of course, as you'd expect at the back – Forti two and 34, but at least they finished.
I am starting to suspect that the drivers who have not scored points already this season will not do so. Even though one of them might be expected to nick a point here or there... the lack of retirements is shafting the small teams.


DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 198
2 – M. Andretti (USGP) – 184
3 – S. Speed (USGP) – 168
4 – G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 161
5= J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 104
6= J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 104
7 – N. Piquet (Toleman) – 68
8 – S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 55
9 – T. Inoue (Simtek) – 50
10 – Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 41
11 – R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 35
12 – P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 16
13 – A. Montermini (Pacific) – 9
14 – B. Giacomelli (Life) – 6
15 – J. Carwash (Minardi) – 5
16= G. Brabham (Life) – 4
16= P. Martini (Minardi) – 4

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – USGP – 352
2 – F1 Rejects – 302
3 – Ferrari – 265
4 – Simtek – 105
5 – Toleman – 103
6 – Super Aguri – 41
7 – Pacific – 25
8 – Life – 10
9 – Minardi – 9

UNREJECTIFIED DRIVERS:
Villeneuve, Andretti, Hunt, Speed (USA); HWNSNBM, Borgudd (Brazil); Inoue (San Marino); Ide (Monaco); Délétraz (Canada); Piquet (Mexico)

[S951]

This is just utterly brilliant!

[David AGS]

At least the title will de decided down under!

[dinizintheoven]

At least the title will de decided down under!

Don't go counting your chickens, there, although the rounds are running out and Andretti and HWNSNBM seem determined to scrap their way to the end, and don't discount Scott Speed, either, who's only 30 points behind.

To a long-abandoned venue we go...

Round 13: Estoril, Portugal

GRID:
1 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 1'20.002
2 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1'20.082
3 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1'20.498
4 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 1'21.076
5 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) – 1'21.120
6 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 1'21.313
7 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 1'21.333
8 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 1'21.915
9 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 1'21.980
10 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) – 1'22.446
11 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) – 1'23.058
12 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 1'23.277
13 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) – 1'23.324
14 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) – 1'23.523
15 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) – 1'24.104
16 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) – 1'24.114
17 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) – 1'24.267
18 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 1'24.641
19 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) – 1'24.655
20 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) – 1'24.856
21 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) – 1'25.021
22 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) – 1'25.650
23 – 9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun) – 1'26.111
24 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) – 1'26.352
25 – 10 C. Langes (EuroBrun) – 1'26.565
26 – 14 P. Ghinzani (Osella) – 1'26.607

DNQ:
8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi)
12 E. Naspetti (Forti)
17 F. Hesnault (AGS)
18 F. Barbazza (AGS)
29 V. Sospiri (Lola)
31 P. Chaves (Coloni)
34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda)
35 P. McCarthy (Andrea Moda)

Proof that nothing's certain in this series... HWNSNBM looked certain to get yet another pole position this season, and JDD nicked it right at the death. Not that that'll cause too much team disharmony, although Andretti and Villeneuve will have their intentions to wreck the party. Scott Speed unusually fluffed qualifying – behind both Tolemans and Yuji Ide is no place for him to be – and it's as you were in midfield, although Olivier Grouillard managed to haul himself up into the mix and might provide a few problems for the cars immediately behind him. At the back, Luca Badoer will be happy with 20th in the Forti, but it's another fetid performance from Kazuki Nakajima, who is most likely desperate to fling himself back into the welcoming arms of Zoran Stefanovic. Both EuroBruns get on the grid, as does Piercarlo Ghinzani in the Osella. Most conspicuous by his absence is Vincenzo Sospiri, facing his first race day on the sidelines, and there's a second DNQ for the season for PHR. Remember, that's worth championship placings at season's end...


RACE:

1 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 1h 45'15.636
2 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) + 1'27.471
3 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) + 1'30.239
4 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) + 1 lap
5 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) + 1 lap
6 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) + 1 lap
7 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) + 1 lap
8 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) + 1 lap
9 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) + 1 lap
10 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) + 1 lap
11 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) + 2 laps
12 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) + 2 laps
13 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) + 2 laps
14 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) + 2 laps
15 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) + 2 laps
16 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) + 3 laps
17 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) + 3 laps
18 – 14 P. Ghinzani (Osella) + 3 laps
19 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) + 3 laps
20 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) + 3 laps
21 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) + 3 laps
22 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) + 3 laps
23 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) + 4 laps
24 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) + 4 laps
25 – 10 C. Langes (EuroBrun) + 4 laps
26 – 9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun) + 6 laps

JDD, Andretti, Villeneuve and HWNSNBM were all up the front at the start of the race and threatening to streak off into the distance, with Piquet and Ide trying to stay in the mix, until HWNSNBM flung himself off the track and found himself 25th, in a Minardi sandwich, and with Johnny Carwash already lapped behind him. Andretti was also a casualty 14 laps in but managed to drop to only 10th. JDD was unchallenged at the front with Piquet and Ide in the podium positions; Andretti (and also Gilles Villeneuve) were crawling their way back up the field, Scott Speed was nowhere to be seen, and neither was HWNSNBM, who had now been lapped by his alleged understudy, who was having the race of his life. Délétraz was a minute ahead of Piquet at half distance, and by the time Andretti passed him for second on lap 42, the gap was a minute 22. Bad news for JDD, though, as the American could smell blood and closed the gap by 23 seconds over the next ten laps. It was too late for Andretti, though – Piquet passed him with five laps to go, and finally made it onto the podium after twelve races of trying. Délétraz scored a lights-to-flag victory, his first of the season. Andretti was third, Ide the best of the rest, Villeneuve limped to seventh, HWNSNBM could only manage ninth, and Scott Speed a miserable 13th. Paul Belmondo's sixth moves him a step closer to unrejectification, but as with his team mate, it is probably too late. Piercarlo Ghinzani did himself a power of good with 18th in the race to avoid the championship wooden spoon – he'll be ahead of Barbazza, Chaves and McCarthy if any of them manage to qualify again. Something goes wrong at Life, both cars four laps down; Ernesto Vita throws shoes across the garage in frustration, which were donated by Andrea Sassetti. And dead last, Enrico Bertaggia must be wondering why he bothered to get out of bed in the morning... or even why he bothered trying to qualify.


DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 200
2 – M. Andretti (USGP) – 199
3 – S. Speed (USGP) – 168
4 – G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 167
5 – J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 129
6 – J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 114
7 – N. Piquet (Toleman) – 86
8 – S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 56
9 – Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 53
10 – T. Inoue (Simtek) – 50
11 – R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 35
12 – P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 24
13 – A. Montermini (Pacific) – 13
14 – B. Giacomelli (Life) – 6
15 – J. Carwash (Minardi) – 5
16= G. Brabham (Life) – 4
16= P. Martini (Minardi) – 4

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – USGP – 367
2 – F1 Rejects – 329
3 – Ferrari – 281
4 – Toleman – 121
5 – Simtek – 106
6 – Super Aguri – 53
7 – Pacific – 37
8 – Life – 10
9 – Minardi – 9

UNREJECTIFIED DRIVERS:
Villeneuve, Andretti, Hunt, Speed (USA); HWNSNBM, Borgudd (Brazil); Inoue (San Marino); Ide (Monaco); Délétraz (Canada); Piquet (Mexico)

[dinizintheoven]

Round 14: Barcelona, Spain

GRID:
1 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1'28.983
2 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 1'29.864
3 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 1'29.944
4 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 1'30.304
5 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1'30.500
6 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 1'30.641
7 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) – 1'31.693
8 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) – 1'31.698
9 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 1'32.183
10 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) – 1'32.194
11 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 1'32.475
12 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 1'32.597
13 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) – 1'32.805
14 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) – 1'32.852
15 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 1'33.299
16 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) – 1'33.908
17 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) – 1'34.190
18 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) – 1'34.781
19 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) – 1'35.107
20 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) – 1'35.262
21 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) – 1'35.423
22 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) – 1'35.549
23 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) – 1'36.169
24 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) – 1'37.256
25 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) – 1'37.302
26 – 9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun) – 1'37.391

DNQ:
10 C. Langes (EuroBrun)
12 E. Naspetti (Forti)
14 P. Ghinzani (Osella)
17 F. Hesnault (AGS)
18 F. Barbazza (AGS)
31 P. Chaves (Coloni)
34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda)
35 P. McCarthy (Andrea Moda)

...and James Hunt goes off to drench his annoyance in a vat of champagne, as he is beaten to pole on the final run by HWNSNBM, for whom it is all too easy... where did those nine tenths come from, anyway? Either way, it's a return to form for Ferrari on the Saturday afternoon, and also for Scott Speed; good to see Slim up there near the front again as well. Délétraz comes back to Earth with a crash, qualifying only ninth, behind a jubilant Johnny Carwash, who utterly trounces his team mate for once... Martini qualifies 25th, and nobody knows why. Gregor Foitek was in the top ten for most of the session but should be happy with 13th; Sospiri puts his Portuguese misery behind him, the Lifes wake up a bit... and there are no real surprises amongst the DNQs.


RACE:

1 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 1h 467'47.304
2 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) + 16.419
3 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) + 38.755
4 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) + 56.011
5 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) + 57.045
6 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) + 1'34.646
7 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) + 1 lap
8 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) + 1 lap
9 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) + 1 lap
10 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) + 1 lap
11 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) + 1 lap
12 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) + 1 lap
13 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) + 1 lap
14 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) + 2 laps
15 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) + 2 laps
16 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) + 3 laps
17 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) + 3 laps
18 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) + 3 laps
19 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) + 3 laps
20 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) + 3 laps
21 – 9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun) + 3 laps
22 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) + 3 laps
23 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) + 3 laps
24 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) + 3 laps
25 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) + 4 laps
26 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) + 4 laps

The legendary Canuck has been doing things the hard way recently, but that win will do him the power of good. In the early stages, Slim stayed in touch with the leaders, while JDD repaired some of his poor work on the Saturday, getting himself to second by lap 12. HWNSNBM went in the other direction, and unfortunately for Johnny Carwash, he sank like the KYPCK. Andretti wasn't too impressive either. 20 laps down saw two Ferraris ahead of two F1 Rejects (in the "wrong" order), Borgudd, and two USGPs. Délétraz was given a radio transmission: "HWNSNBM is faster... than... you. Can you confirm you understood that message?" Clearly he didn't, because four laps later, JDD was ahead again, and passed James Hunt in the first round of pitstops as the order tumbled like a fruit machine, briefly leaving Bruno Giacomelli in the points... then... Kazuki Nakajima! Amazingly, he managed to hold onto his elevated position until lap 50, when he was finally elbowed out of the top ten by Andrea Montermini. Gilles took the lead on lap 56 and cruised to the flag, HWNSNBM shoved his way onto the podium, Slim remained a cool fifth with Taki Inoue seventh to take a sackful more useful points for Simtek; Toleman and Pacific picked up the thin end of the wedge. For once, Kazuki Nakajima outperforms Yuji Ide, who had a poor race... but still couldn't score a point. Miserable performances (by their standards) also came from Ralf Schumacher, Gary Brabham and Vincenzo Sospiri – but in particular, Paul Belmondo, from sixth in Portugal to 22nd and three laps down here. Ugh. Enrico Bertaggia is probably the only backmarker with any right to be happy.
Despite the result, it's now too late for Délétraz, his early season bathplugging-about costing him a shot at the title. The championship lead has always looked like a poisoned chalice... none of them seem to want to win it. Gilles had it early on, and fell away; HWNSNBM and Andretti have been scrapping over it since then but have a habit of doing badly when they're at the top. HWNSNBM is probably the exception with third in this race. And just as Scott Speed was threatening a championship charge, he flunked two races really badly, and now needs a miracle – four more points from HWNSNBM sees him out of it. Looks like it will go to the wire after all. As will the Constructors' title; with 86 points still up for grabs, it could still mathematically go to Ferrari. Place your bets on who will be best of the rest between Toleman and Simtek!


DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 215
2 – M. Andretti (USGP) – 207
3 – G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 192
4 – S. Speed (USGP) – 169
5 – J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 147
6 – J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 126
7 – N. Piquet (Toleman) – 88
8 – S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 66
9 – T. Inoue (Simtek) – 56
10 – Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 53
11 – R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 35
12 – P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 24
13 – A. Montermini (Pacific) – 17
14 – B. Giacomelli (Life) – 6
15 – J. Carwash (Minardi) – 5
16= G. Brabham (Life) – 4
16= P. Martini (Minardi) – 4

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – USGP – 376
2 – F1 Rejects – 362
3 – Ferrari – 318
4 – Toleman – 123
5 – Simtek – 122
6 – Super Aguri – 53
7 – Pacific – 41
8 – Life – 10
9 – Minardi – 9

UNREJECTIFIED DRIVERS:
Villeneuve, Andretti, Hunt, Speed (USA); HWNSNBM, Borgudd (Brazil); Inoue (San Marino); Ide (Monaco); Délétraz (Canada); Piquet (Mexico)


...and that's the end of the European season. For the last two far-flung races we go, and the Aussies should get their title decider...

[dinizintheoven]

We're nearly there. Off to the Far East we go, for everyone's favourite theme park. Banzai!

Round 15: Suzuka, Japan

GRID:
1 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1'42.010 (no, this is not a typo)
2 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 1'44.025
3 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) – 1'44.189
4 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 1'44.473
5 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) – 1'45.058
6 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 1'45.477
7 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) – 1'45.725
8 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) – 1'45.888
9 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) – 1'45.931
10 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 1'46.145
11 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 1'46.434
12 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 1'46.806
13 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) – 1'48.097
14 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) – 1'48.147
15 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) – 1'48.266
16 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 1'48.304
17 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) – 1'48.730
18 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) – 1'49.094
19 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) – 1'50.047
20 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) – 1'50.427
21 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) – 1'50.427 (this is not a typo either)
22 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) – 1'50.555
23 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) – 1'51.011
24 – 18 F. Barbazza (AGS) – 1'51.608
25 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) – 1'51.848
26 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) – 1'52.472

DNQ:
9 E. Bertaggia (EuroBrun)
10 C. Langes (EuroBrun)
12 E. Naspetti (Forti)
14 P. Ghinzani (Osella)
17 F. Hesnault (AGS)
31 P. Chaves (Coloni)
34 R. Moreno (Andrea Moda)
35 P. McCarthy (Andrea Moda)

What was I saying about nobody wanting to win this championship? If that wasn't a statement of intent, that I have no idea what is, as HWNSNBM throws down the gauntlet to the rest of the field, it bounces and hits them all squarely across the face. He wants this championship more than Keke Rosberg wants his next Marlboro and Alan Jones wants a year's supply of pies. There aren't too many surprises in the grid slots until a lot further down the field, except for Slim Borgudd and Bruno Giacomelli forming another boundary in midfield with a 1.3 second gap between them; the first interesting occurrence is Gary Brabham (20th) and Phillippe Alliot (21st) recording the same time to the thousandth of a second. And look, AGS fans: Fab Fab finally gets himself onto the grid for a second time this year, after sitting out all the European races. Maybe he waved his magic hair like Mr. Majeika and magically dispensed with the competition. Enrico Bertaggia is the man who has to curse his luck, and Olivier Grouillard came horribly close to a second embarrassment of the year...


RACE:

1 – 1 HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 1h 40'30.569
2 – 6 S. Speed (USGP) + 58.228
3 – 33 S. Borgudd (Simtek) + 1'51.482
4 – 27 G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) + 1 lap
5 – 5 M. Andretti (USGP) + 1 lap
6 – 2 J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) + 1 lap
7 – 3 K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) + 1 lap
8 – 7 G. Foitek (Monteverdi) + 1 lap
9 – 15 A. Montermini (Pacific) + 1 lap
10 – 23 P. Martini (Minardi) + 2 laps
11 – 32 T. Inoue (Simtek) + 2 laps
12 – 4 Y. Ide (Super Aguri) + 2 laps
13 – 25 O. Grouillard (Prost) + 2 laps
14 – 19 R. Schumacher (Toleman) + 2 laps
15 – 28 J. Hunt (Ferrari) + 2 laps
16 – 20 N. Piquet (Toleman) + 2 laps
17 – 16 P. Belmondo (Pacific) + 2 laps
18 – 30 R. Rosset (Lola) + 3 laps
19 – 29 V. Sospiri (Lola) + 3 laps
20 – 26 P. Alliot (Prost) + 3 laps
21 – 24 J. Carwash (Minardi) + 3 laps
22 – 22 B. Giacomelli (Life) + 3 laps
23 – 21 G. Brabham (Life) + 3 laps
24 – 8 P-H. Raphanel (Monteverdi) + 4 laps
25 – 11 L. Badoer (Forti) + 4 laps
26 – 18 F. Barbazza (AGS) + 5 laps

The race started with plenty of bumping and barging, involving five of the top six, but all settled down and HWNSNBM streaked out into the lead, with Scott Speed behind having refused to ram him off at the first corner. A crazy incident amongst the frontrunners on lap 8 saw such bizarre positionings as Nakajima 5th, Foitek 6th, Martini 7th and Grouillard 10th... with Andretti, JDD and the Ferraris going AWOL. Villeneuve and Andretti soon restored order, with Nakajima and Foitek somehow hanging onto their top ten positions; lap 23 saw the moment of glory all over for Greg, and lap 23 did the same for Greg. Kazuki continued to battle with his team mate, and the ailing Ralf Schumacher; Greg was back in the top 10 by lap 35, to the delight of the picture of Peter Monteverdi. Here we had two drivers who'd been pointless all season, scrapping it out for a much-needed entry on the scoresheet. And they succeeded. Finally, after 15 races, both drivers had got off the mark; you can't help feeling, though, that give the relative performance of their team mates, one driver deserved it more than the other. And let's not forget Kazuki had home advantage. A further point is that these were the two drivers who had still not scored points but also had no DNQs to their name.
At the front, it's glory glory HWNSNBM. He's all but champion – 23 points ahead of Michael Andretti, it's going to take a disaster of Lewis Hamilton in 2007 proportions to rob him of the title now. Gilles has to respectfully step aside, having given his all for Ferrari this year, but someone else who will be celebrating is Slim Borgudd, taking the final place on the podium and getting his best result since that shock win at Imola. He sprays the champagne will all the fervour of a Viking berserker pillaging Lindisfarne.
And finally, a word for Big-haired Fab; unnoticed by all but his hardcore fans, he nursed his awfully slow AGS to the finish. Last... but it's a finish.


DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – HWNSNBM (F1 Rejects) – 240
2 – M. Andretti (USGP) – 217
3 – G. Villeneuve (Ferrari) – 204
4 – S. Speed (USGP) – 187
5 – J-D. Délétraz (F1 Rejects) – 155
6 – J. Hunt (Ferrari) – 126
7 – N. Piquet (Toleman) – 88
8 – S. Borgudd (Simtek) – 81
9 – T. Inoue (Simtek) – 56
10 – Y. Ide (Super Aguri) – 53
11 – R. Schumacher (Toleman) – 35
12 – P. Belmondo (Pacific) – 24
13 – A. Montermini (Pacific) – 19
14= B. Giacomelli (Life) – 6
14= K. Nakajima (Super Aguri) – 6
16= J. Carwash (Minardi) – 5
16= P. Martini (Minardi) – 5
18= G. Brabham (Life) – 4
18= G. Foitek (Monteverdi) – 4

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP:
1 – USGP – 404
2 – F1 Rejects – 395
3 – Ferrari – 330
4 – Simtek – 137
5 – Toleman – 123
6 – Super Aguri – 59
7 – Pacific – 43
8= Life – 10
8= Minardi – 10
10 – Monteverdi – 4

UNREJECTIFIED DRIVERS:
Villeneuve, Andretti, Hunt, Speed (USA); HWNSNBM, Borgudd (Brazil); Inoue (San Marino); Ide (Monaco); Délétraz (Canada); Piquet (Mexico)